Well, let’s talk about something else besides the bigots out there huh?
I got a message on the Facebook page for Fat Heffalump from Alexandra, and on thinking about it, I really wanted to give her more space and time than responding to it on Facebook. She has given me permission to post my response to her question here and I’d also like to throw open the floor to all of you for advice.
So, to Alexandra’s question:
I just got dumped (on Valentine’s Day no less) via text message, the douche citing he ‘finally woke up and realised I couldn’t date a fat girl anymore’ …and that he didn’t want to spend another day with someone below his level. Not to Agony Aunt you, but I feel as though the world is telling me to lower my expectations (not physical necessarily) when it comes to finding a partner. That because I’m fat, I should accept anyone that shows the slightest interest in me.
Well firstly, let me say that any man who dumps you like that is actually below YOUR level. But I know it hurts and I am really sorry that someone would treat you this way.
Secondly, I am single, but I’ve been around the sun 38 times, and had my fair share of experiences. Perhaps those in relationships will have a different perspective.
I’m pretty sure most of us have struggled with this situation at some point. With so many messages pushed at us that fat women are unloveable, it’s hard to shrug that shit off. I’ve certainly had experience with it in my romantic history, that’s for sure. Some of it has even come from friends and family.
The thing is, that there is no such thing as unloveable. Even the most reprehensible human beings have people who love them. So strike the idea of being unloveable off your list of woes.
The next thing I believe is that no-one should ever settle for less than someone who makes them truly happy. Now that doesn’t mean that you should expect a relationship to be all perfect, but it does mean that a healthy relationship is all about working together to make each other happy, and if that’s not happening… well then you have to ask why you’re in that relationship.
As for lowering your expectations when it comes to finding a partner, I don’t believe ones expectations are too high to expect a person to treat you with respect, which this dude clearly did not do for you.
I guess the things I have learnt in my 38 years on this earth are that it is better to be a single person than be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you and make you feel loved, deserving and happy.
So, I’m throwing it open to you, dear readers. What advice/support do you have for Alexandra? For those of you who are in relationships, share your stories about being fat and finding love.
Over to you troops!