It’s Over. No More Flogging the Dead Horse.

Published January 10, 2012 by sleepydumpling

Well my lovelies, I’ve been hit by a whole plethora of trolls from some sad bodybuilding forum that feel to build themselves up, they have to tear other people down.  If any slip through overnight, my deepest apologies and I’ll clean them up as soon as possible.  They’re a pretty sad bunch, who seem to think they can hurt me or silence me somehow, but all they do is create an irritation factor (kind of like a rash) and give me fodder for Trollapalooza.  Many of them prove my point beautifully.

Anyway, that’s not why I’m here tonight.  I’m here tonight to let you know that there’s something you no longer have to do.  You don’t have to prove anything about your body or your health to anyone.  I want you to give yourself permission to completely stop justifying your body, your health, your fatness, your weight… anything to do with your body or health to ANYONE at all.

We do live in a culture that seems to encourage people to demand others justify their bodies, what they eat, how much (or how little) activity they do, their health, their weight – pretty much everything about their bodies.  Particularly women – so often our bodies are objectified and seen as public property, which people feel is acceptable to question and even physically handle without invitation.  Ask any woman who has been visibly pregnant how many people touch her belly, or ask personal questions about her health and the birth of her baby.

When you’re a highly visible fat woman, as we fat activists are, people are constantly demanding you justify your bodies and health.  They want you to PROVE you’re just as worthy as any other human being by divulging your eating and activity.  They demand proof that you’re not costing the taxpayer money/driving up health care costs.  They ask personal questions about your menstrual cycle, your skin, your strength, your joints, your heart, your blood pressure or blood sugar levels.  They demand you prove that you’re not in pain, that you can walk, that you can do the things you mention you do.  I get people demanding proof that I ride my bicycle, because you know, fat people can’t ride bicycles.

How the fuck is any of that anyone’s business but the person who owns the body in question?  I mean really!

Besides, how much ableism is tied up in all of that as well?  As if anyone is under any obligation to be illness free or fully able-bodied.

We spend so much time justifying our place on this earth by proving that fat people can be active, can be healthy, are contributing members of society and such.  I see blog post after blog post, tweet after tweet, facebook status after facebook status, you name it, pushing back against this constant demand of “Explain yourself, fatty!”

I’m afraid I’m not playing that game any more.  It’s not our job to educate people about fatness.  It’s not our job to justify our existence.  It’s not our job to prove that we are worthy of the basic, fundamental human right of dignity and respect, and the right to live our lives in peace without discrimination and stigmatisation.

We do not owe that to anyone.

We have more important shit to deal with in our lives.  What’s important in your life?  Is it proving that you’re a worthy, valuable member of society?  Or is it your family, your friends, your career, your hobbies, your passions, your pets, your time?

No more will I be answering to that call to “Explain yourself, fatty!”  It’s pretty much flogging a dead horse anyway – no matter what we tell these people who demand we explain ourselves, they’re not going to listen.  Not to mention that they only accuse us of hostility anyway – as though it’s ok for them to demand we justify our health and our bodies, but are offended when we tell them to mind their own damn business.

Instead I am here for YOU, my peers, my fellow fatties.  I am here to show you that you ARE valuable, you ARE worthy members of society.  I am here to show you that you CAN be happy, confident and fulfilled, without losing an ounce.

I am here to live my life visibly, so that there is a representation of an unapologetic fat woman somewhere in the world (there are in fact, lots of us!), and encourage you to live your lives.  Anyone who wants to hold you or I back from that can kiss my fat arse.

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38 comments on “It’s Over. No More Flogging the Dead Horse.

  • These losers need to concentrate on their own issues rather than trying to bring harm to others. A real bodybuilder would be concentrating on sculpting his/her physique rather than bullying others. Thus, they are fake wannabe bodybuilders, and failures as human beings.
    I’m glad you have the strength to keep up the fight. I tried having a size positive blog but my mental illness sometimes makes it impossible to bear up in the face of meanness and I killed the blog and for the most part do not interact online anymore. I realize I’m not the most likable person but sometimes I wonder if it would kill people to try to be a little bit kind to those less fortunate–and everyone else too.

    • faycinacroud it took a long time before I had the spoons to be able to deal with this kind of shit. It’s a whole lot of fat hatred we are steeped in, and it’s hard work to disconnect with that. But it is possible.

  • Yeah, I’ve had that circular conversation too many times, myself. I can recite it from memory:

    Them: “You’re fat, so you’re lazy, unhealthy, costing me money, and eating McDonald’s seventeen times a day. Stop it.”

    Me: “Actually, I walk long distances, have textbook perfect blood pressure and no serious health conditions or joint pain, am not costing you a damn cent since I don’t have health insurance and am not quite poor enough to qualify for public assistance, and have never eaten at McDonald’s in my life.”

    Them: ” But you’re fat, so you’ve got diabetes and high blood pressure and never move your fat ass.”

    Me: “Did you not hear how my blood pressure is textbook perfect and I do charity walk-a-thons?”

    Them: “You’re fat. If you were healthy and did the things you say you would be thin, so you’re a liar. Also, you eat nothing but McDonald’s, you big fat liar who is costing me the earth by using up all the health care!”

    Lather, rinse, repeat. They don’t hear. I’m not having that conversation again, either. I have better things to do with my life… like those walk-a-thons and cooking great food and making lace and writing and… you get the idea.

    People of every size get diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer. People who eat nothing but Mickey D’s get them, and people who are life-long vegans get them, too. People who smoke like chimneys die in their beds at 98, and people who never lit a cigarette in their lives die of lung cancer at 30. There are things you can do to stack the odds a little in your favor, but health is a crapshoot at best.

    The long and the short of it is ain’t none of us getting out of here alive, so we might as well live the best lives we can in whatever time we have. My best life doesn’t happen to include this conversation.

    • It’s the most redundant conversation possible, is it not? It’s mind boggling how deeply in denial people like that are – yet the first thing they accuse us of is being in denial ourselves! Why? We know we’re fat. We know our own bodies, our own health, our own lives. We’re not the ones sticking our fingers in our ears and going LAALALALALALALALALA!!!

    • Sadly I have currently ended up having to eat McDonald’s–once a day–as my only meal because I am very broke and can’t even afford to get my plumbing fixed let alone my refrigerator. The reason I choose it? It’s the cheapest option that will keep me full for the most hours. I like vegetables, but they do not keep me full–and that Slime Fast crap certainly doesn’t.
      I have mild hypertension–it onset this past year after a very stressful year and it is hereditary. My younger brother who is a non-competitive bodybuilder and a firefighter/paramedic had it onset in his mid thirties–Fatty McFatpants (me) waited until I was in my mid forties to get it–ha!
      I’m certainly not the one who’s making for all these health care costs that everyone says fat people are causing for everybody. I went to the ER earlier this year in a panic because my blood pressure was spiking and it caused me a panic attack. The last time I was in the ER was for an inner ear problem in 2006, and that certainly had nothing to do with my size. I’ve only called into work three times in the past 5 years–once when I had the norovirus, once when I had severe menstrual pain, and once when my father died. None of these had anything to do with my weight. That argument for why fat people shouldn’t exist is surely one of the most ridiculous that the haters have come up with.
      The people who are “causing” most of the health care costs are elderly–of all sizes. The so called “obesity” diseases are actually diseases of aging. I work with the elderly, have since 1988, and it has been my observation that these diseases tend to happen in elderly people regardless of size. I certainly don’t mean to imply that we should institute Logan’s Run rules–but some of these misanthropes would probably be glad to.

  • I read your troll page and went to the website where the trolls were a-comin from and it honestly just made my eyes roll. Why do they even feel the need to bother you? I don’t agree with Fox News and so therefore I do not watch and/or read anything that comes from that organization. Simple. Done and done.

    However, can somebody explain to me the etymology of the word douchecanoe? I like it but I’m confused about how it came to be!

    • It’s so simple, isn’t it Clara? If you don’t dig something on the internet, don’t read it. And certainly don’t leave hate messages, or there will be consequences. It’s so simple to avoid those consequences yet they just can’t stop themselves.

      The first I heard the term douchecanoe was from a fellow feminist blogger who shared a list of non-oppressive insults. I wish I could find the post to share it with you all. They listed douchecanoe, douchenozzle and shitweasel as three prime examples, and I happily use them all.

      If anyone else knows the full history of these terms, please do share.

      • I don’t know about the other two, but I first read “shitweasel” in Stephen King’s novel “Dreamcatcher”. I love that term, it’s just so…viscerally perfect.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you. Inspirational and true post, as always.
    Fat and fabulous greetings from Germany,
    Miriam

  • PS: Why do I get the green munchy face as icon when I comment here? I mean, I like it (grrrrrreeeeeeen munchy face is going to eaaaaaat youuuu, fat-haters!), but still..how did this happen?

    • Miriam thank you for coming along and joining us here.

      The avatars are auto generated by WordPress for anyone who isn’t commenting by being logged in to WordPress. I like the green munchy face you’ve got, Munchy Face looks like zie would take no shit!

      If you log in with a WordPress account, you get your profile avatar like I have got here.

  • I love your blog — I recently discovered it and it means a lot to me. You’ve officially become my role model — stand strong, be proud and be happy. Love it. ;o)

  • I wonder if this was the same bodybuilding forum that spawned the trolls who attacked my post on a local discussion forum, when I asked if anyone had any recommendations for a doctor who supported HAES. I found the bodybuilding forum when I googled a quote from my original post, found the trolls discussing how they were going to troll me! Sad, sad people. Anyway, power to you, keep doing what you’re doing, live with fattitude and be happy x

    • It’s likely blaceydayda – I am pretty sure it’s the same one that has been sending people to troll other fat activists and feminist bloggers.

      Sad, sad people indeed.

      And thank you!

  • Thanks for another awesome post. It’s come at a good time (as usual) after spending 3 weeks on holidays with my family. 3 weeks of my mother refusing to go out anywhere with me for fear of being seen with her deathfattie daughter. Through your fabulous blog and all the other ones out there … at least I can now say ‘fuck you Mum’ if you can’t see past the fat to see what a gorgeous and fabulous human being your daughter is :)

  • When will people realize that it’s OK for people to be different shapes and sizes? Once you level out at your own height/size/fitness level/food habits you need to learn to accept yourself. Period. NOT that you shouldn’t eat healthy and get exercise and strive to be your best, but realize genetically you are the way you are. We can’t all be fashion models and olympic athletes! Too often we judge a people’s self worth by what they look like without getting to know them. The most interesting people I know are real people of different size and experiences… not airbrushed and shallow.

    • Exactly Fat Lifeguard – and health is so subjective to each of our circumstances. It’s such a deeply personal thing.

      And my experience has been the same – the fabulous people in my life are as diverse as you can imagine! I’m always happy to add more diversity to my life.

  • i’d just like to say sorry on behalf of all the bodybuilding people coming here to flame you. i saw the link posted to your site when i was in the forums, and have negged and reported the user who posted it. nobody deserves to be bullied simply for existing. i know it probably doesn’t mean much to you, but not all of us are like that. the majority of us use the forums for advice and motivation, not to bring others down. the people who are attacking you are from the miscellaneous section – meaning they’re not really serious about jack shit, and would rather sit around trying to troll others in a misguided attempt to bring them down to their level, so i hope you don’t get the idea that we’re all a bunch of stupid meat-heads who just wanna hate on everybody and flex lol.

    anyway sorry for the long winded comment. you seem like a really strong person, so hopefully those little shits haven’t gotten to you. keep on keepin’ on :-)

    • BJ, thank you kindly. I really don’t believe you should have to apologise for other jerk’s behaviour, but I appreciate that you have.

      It’s good to know not everyone from that forum is tarred with the same brush.

      And best of luck with motivation on your pursuits – I’m all for people living to the fullest in their bodies, of all shapes and sizes, with whatever works for them.

  • You are such an inspiration. :) In the online dating world in particular, but pretty much everywhere, I used to explain my weight by saying I didn’t have insurance or the money to treat my endocrine problem, and I made sure to talk about the exercise I enjoy. I felt like I had to explain myself even when not asked. Now, I keep that to myself. If anyone says anything, I just say I’m happy with myself and I like to eat. My medical issues, while true, are private. And my exercise is a solo, mind-clearing activity that I don’t need to share with the world. It’s been a huge relief to just be me without any excuses. I enjoy life so much more, because I can focus on the things I do need to improve – self confidence, budgeting, meeting people etc.

  • Hi Kath! Let me say that I love your blog and enjoy reading it. I love the pictures you post of yourself and your sassy attitude. You’ve come through a lot and emerged stronger, and it shows! Saw your “film debut” over on Ragen’s blog, loved it. Two thumbs UP!!! :D

  • Ha, a friend of mine with a more political blog got trolled from the same forum. Poor dudes, having to deal with stroppy women not falling at their feet and begging for their attention.

    I had a twinge of fat-activist-guilt this afternoon – I was excitedly telling a coworker about the pilates and yoga classes I’m about to start at the local community centre, and suddenly wondered if she was assuming I was doing so to lose weight. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time before heading home to lay down my fat-accepting life-philosophy. Another time, though!

  • Your posting of IP addresses constitutes a violation of Tumblr’s (and also WordPress’s) terms of service.

    Not only because you post the IP addresses, but because you are doing so with the intent of someone causing them harm–the IPs are listed alongside their physical locations, after all, and if someone is connecting to the Internet via their modem directly rather than a router, it would be easy for someone to find a backdoor into their system and compromise their security.

    I will ask you, please, to remove those posts which jeopardize other people’s security. I have saved an HTML version of your Tumblr, and have notified them of your misuse of their system.

    Have a nice day.

    • No.

      The terms of comment are clear on my blog. People bullying me or anyone else have violated those terms. The solution is simple. Don’t leave hate messages on this blog, and there will be no posts to Tumblr. It’s as simple as that. My security is jeopardised EVERY time one of them makes a hate comment on this blog, so there is no “those posts jeopardise other people’s security” hypocrisy.

      Internet bullying is in epidemic proportions, and I will tolerate it no more in my space. The solution is simple – no more bullying comments, no more posts on the Tumblr. My intent is to expose the people who intend to bully me into silence. By hitting the submit button, they consent to me, as owner of this blog having access to their email and IP. Same goes for everyone who comments – only 95% of them do so without bullying me or anyone else, so that 95% don’t need to hide or make threats.

      These are not mere matters of opinion, these are hate messages and these people have attacked both my blog, my Facebook and my

      I did not post my blog on that forum, nor did I post it on Reddit, where the latest crop of trolls are coming from, I did not go seeking these people to leave hatred on this blog. They came here, the comment policy is clear, and they wear the consequences of their actions.

      The quickest way to make this all go away is for people to stop leaving messages of hate on this blog. The hate messages stop, and I’ll delete the Tumblr. Easy as that.

      Any further comments on this matter will be deleted and sent to spam.

  • Troll: its ok if I bully you but not ok if you show everyone what an asshole I am

    Me: so its ok for you to be an asshole in secret? But its not ok for someone to show you acting like an asshole?

    Troll: yes

    Me: oh….

  • I clicked on the “Trollapalooza” link and got a doesn’t exist message. If Tumblr has removed it because you posted IP addresses of people who have threatened you, I think you should get legal advice about what qualifies as a threat, are others allowed to threaten you, what is an acceptable response for you when you are threatened, is a double standard being used, and so on.

    This really looks like bullies trying to silence their victim by accusing you of being in the wrong. That sucks. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

    • Thanks fatfairy. Indeed, Tumblr have shut it down, and I have been in contact with them about the fact that they are protecting the perpetrators of internet bullying, while leaving women vulnerable on their service. I’ll let you know when I know how that pans out.

      However, I’m also working with some other folks on another method of exposing these bullies. There are PLENTY of avenues we can take, I just need a little time to work out how we’re going to structure it.

      Until then, I’m saving any further trollery for later publication (including email addresses, IP’s and any other identifying data).

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