The Burden of Hate

Published September 24, 2012 by sleepydumpling

So yeah, I dyed my hair turquoise on the weekend.  Check it out:

I’m really happy with it, it’s bold and colourful and fun.  But I didn’t expect the reaction I would get from Joe and Jane Public.  Holy crap!

I did expect it to draw some attention, of course I did, why else would I dye it such a bold colour?  I like being different, I like standing out, and I like being unapologetic for who I am.  But I had no idea that it would attract the sheer hostility that it has done in the past 48 hours, peaking this afternoon at some random guy yelling “What the fuck?!  Why would you want to draw attention to that fucking head??!” as I walked to the train station after work.

But it has been happening in a myriad of ways over the past two days.  Three times yesterday I caught people photographing me without my consent, and two of them showed the people with them the photos and laughed.  People have cast disgusted, even hostile looks at me, have stared, have laughed, have nudged each other and pointed, have made negative comments about my appearance and generally just made it apparent that I should not have turquoise hair.

It’s exhausting.  I feel like I have to be on guard to protect myself all the time, because when I let my guard down, like I did walking home tonight, that’s when I get slammed with something like the attack above.

Yet if I looked like this, I’d be told my turquoise hair is beautiful.

See, I think it boils down to this.  Fat women are not supposed to make themselves visible.  We’re supposed to be ashamed of who we are, we’re supposed to hide ourselves away and make sure nobody can see us.  Why?  Because the media and marketing, the government and even medical practitioners tell the world that fat should be prevented, cured, eradicated.  Fat should not exist, and if it does, the bearer of that fat should be deeply ashamed of themselves.  They should not draw attention to themselves, they should not walk with their shoulders back and their head held high, they should not be confident.  They should be apologetic for their existence.

This is what happens when a culture believes fat = bad.  This is what happens when it is culturally acceptable for fat people to be vilified publicly by the media, marketing, the government and the medical field.  This is what happens when a world stops treating fat people as humans and treats them as a disease.  “Obesity” is no longer a descriptive word for human fatness, all humanity is stripped from it, and fatness is seen as a disease, a thing that must be eradicated.  Our personhood matters nothing when our bodies are fat.

The general public get this message hundreds of times per day, that fat must be eradicated, that fat is a scourge on society, and that fat is less than human.  Daily there are so many messages blasted at everyone, on television, in newspapers and magazines, in journal articles, in books, in advertising, in movies, from comedians and writers.  Over and over that message is repeated – fat is less than human.

So is it any wonder, that when a woman like me, very fat and very visible comes along in Joe/Jane Public’s world, walking down the street, minding my own business on my way home from work, that some of them think it’s perfectly acceptable to pour hatred on me.

But I will not carry that hate.  I will not hate myself because society says that my body makes me less than human.  I will not hate myself because you are taught to hate me.  I will not hate myself because you hate yourself.  I will not feel ashamed of my body because you deem it shameful.

I will continue to dress and adorn MY body in a way that pleases ME, because it belongs to ME.  The eyes I look into in the mirror are mine, not yours.  The life I am living is mine, not yours.

Keep your hate to yourself.  It is your burden to carry, not mine.

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72 comments on “The Burden of Hate

  • I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…..YOU ARE AWSOME!!!!!
    I love that you are daring to defy the biased and unacceptable attitude of the souless ‘fat haters’. You rock, and your tourquoise hair is FABULOUS!!!

  • Is it wrong that my immediate assumption about the sneak-photographers is that your obvious lack-of-giving-a-shit is so threatening, they have to demonstrate that they’re not bothered by making a point of mocking you?

    It seems circular and yet so *right*. Like when some guys have to make a Very Clear Point that they Are Not Gay, No, They Are Manly Men, Yes. It just highlights their insecurity.

    • I think the whole sneak photography thing is a cultural meme that is REALLY encouraged these days. I was reading a piece about “creepshots” on reddit, and of course there are those awful sites like People of Walmart that promote photographing strangers for the purpose of ridicule on the internet. It’s disgusting – so what if someone “looks weird” to you – that doesn’t give anyone the right to photograph them without their consent and use their photographs to ridicule.

      And the whole “proving his masculinity” thing was a discussion I had earlier yesterday with a (male) friend of mine who has copped some flak for his relatively new love of Zouk dancing. We were talking about the whole “methinks thou doth protest too much” thing – shows that they’ve got something they feel they have to prove!

  • Society, in general, sucks! I HATE going out cos I know there will be stares and snickers, pointing and laughing. I’ve even caught a couple of men filming me, from the safety and comfort of their ute, as I put my kids and shopping in the car. It’s like we’re not allowed to do what everyone else does cos we’re fat. I think it’s awesome you express your individuality the way you do. Your blog is making this fattie feel more comfortable about who she is. Thank you

    • Hotpinkfaery don’t let anyone force you to change your life because they can’t cope with someone who doesn’t fit their narrow version of what is “acceptable”. And remember, when people behave badly like this, there is something wrong with THEM, not you.

  • Some days I could happily just knock people out. Why some feel it’s their place to negatively judge the personal choices of others I may never understand, but especially to yell their disapproval at you from across the street? I’m truly sorry you had to endure such an idiot.
    For the record, I saw a picture of your hair earlier and never really got the spare minute to say how rad it is! As one stand-out-in-a-crowd fatty to another (bright, bright, BRIGHT red hair and tattoos a-plenty), keep rocking it because you’re inspirational!

  • I am really sad and really sorry that this is happening to you.
    I think the people who do this, are the ones who are ‘not human’ in any way. I wish we could eradicate THEM.
    I LOVE YOUR HAIR. it is all kinds of AWESOME and is the prettiest colour I’ve seen!
    I love your colourful style, and how you are YOU, no apologies. You are a brilliant role model. Have you ever thought about speaking in schools? About anything – body image, self acceptance, self esteem, about your experiences with how you have been treated and how you have come to this point where you are accepting of yourself and not about to change just because of other people’s crap?
    I’m really sad that people are so cruel, but I’m really proud of you and think you are awesome because you are not letting them win. Keep on winning. They might seem like empty victories but I think those people want you to make yourself invisible or cower or agree they are right or whatever. Every time you or someone who is being bullied/hated/harassed in ANY way speaks up and doesn’t let them win, it sends a message to them that we are NOT going to just let them walk all over us.
    You have courage. True courage. x

    • …Speaking in schools is a great idea Fiona! Those horrible excuses for humanity are bullies, just like mean school kids. If we could get them to understand in youth how very wrong it is to judge others, based on ANYTHING, maybe they would grow into something better.

      • Yes – and also my thinking was, so many of those who bully or just are rude and nasty to those who are ‘different’ – don’t seem to have gotten it through their thick skulls that these are PEOPLE. If Kath went in and talked to their class about her experiences, not just those experiences but her feelings and how they affected her whole life, and apart from those, her hopes, her dreams, her loves, her passions etc – I’m sure the majority of them would realise “This is a PERSON. A human being. She’s cool. Majorly cool. She’s interesting. I can relate to her.” etc. And “She has FEELINGS and I would hate to be made to feel that way”. Hopefully they might grow up remembering that there’s a human being living in every body.
        I just hope I’m not naive to hope this sort of thing..

  • Your hair is beautiful & so are you. You are bold, confident, unique. The insecure idiots are idiots…period. I am very sorry that they are allowing their self-hatred to spill over onto you. I understand. Because I was born with cerebral palsy & have always been visibly different, I have dealt with this bullshit all my life. Take care & stay strong.

  • People are so hateful. I love the colour of your hair, it’s awesome! I’ve been trying to decide what colour to do my hair for ages. I think the media has a lot to answer for when it comes to fat hatred. It teaches that fat is ugly, disgusting & unlovable. People don’t see the “who” behind their hatred, just the what. Fat people are depersonalised by the media and so we are not seen or treated as people. Just fat. It’s sickening and unacceptable. Keep holding your head high Kath- you’re an inspiration to myself and many.

    • Ditto to CAS on this one. Kath, you’re an inspiration to me. You’re a beautiful, unique, wildly intelligent woman I am blessed to connect with via the magic of the internet.

      Please do come visit me in Hawai’i!

      Sending you much love to place as a salve over that terrible treatment you experienced.

  • I was deemed cute or pretty as a young woman (18-24 years old) and I shaved my head and got the same hostility you did. How dare I not conform to societies standards of beauty and not have long hair!

    You do anything different and someone, somewhere, will hit you with hate for it.

    • Yeah, but were you ever told “WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BRING ATTENTION TO THAT HEAD?”. You were received with hostility for daring to make yourself invisible under the femme radar. When fat people are received with hostility for getting their hair as they want it, it’s for daring to make ourselves VISIBLE in a culture that tells us to be quiet and unnoticeable. When we have long, curly, pretty hair, we’re vilified because how dare we be femme and confuse the world making them believe we’re pretty. We’re screwed either way.

  • I have exactly that same hair colour, whenever I go someone the mainstream public are all I notice is people pointing, staring or I hear them whispering “pst pst pst blue hair pst pst” so I’m pretty sure it is me they are talking about, I find it sad when a fat girl with blue hair is the most exciting thing in their lives, thankfully though the nice comments I get from complete strangers about what lovely coloured hair I have make up for it. I’m a huge hit with small children and grannies!

  • Oh my freaking god, I KNOW!!!!!!! At 5’10, size 22- I make quiet the statement due to the fact I’m living in Japan. Add that to the fact that my hair is bright purple with teal bangs. I get weird looks all the time!!! People seem to think I’m supposed to be invisible and I refuse to be so. I’m a loud, beautiful, creative person. An artist. And I refuse to be invisible, I REFUSE to be. I started doing this thing every day where I look in the mirror before going out. And I say- “Fuck you world, I am beautiful and I will continue to be so!” And I go about my day with a “Fuck it all, I’m wonderful” attitude. Sometimes that’s what you have to do to get through it all.

  • Kath – honestly you are one of the most inspiring people I know. So what you have blue hair? It’s awesome, it’s your hair so you should do whatever you want with it and whoever thinks it’s weird should go and get a life!

    I’ve recently started wearing shear blouses with jeans/shorts/skirts. You should see some of the ‘looks’ I get. I haven’t gotten comments but I’m sure I will eventually. My parents/sisters hate it and think it’s inappropriate. Yet my sisters (thinner than me approx sizes 8 and 12) get to prance around in bikinis without a comment.

    Screw what other people say. I wear shear blouses (no under shirt, just my sexy bra). This year I’m contemplating my first ‘adult’ bikini (last time I wore one I was about 10).

    No one deserves that sort of abuse. Stay strong and remember you have so many people that admire/respect/adore and care about you.

  • I’m so sorry you were subjected to that vitriol today. I’ll never understand the hatred fatness inspires in some people, complete strangers at that. It’s mind-boggling.

    For what it’s worth, I think you look awesome and you have great personal style. So fuck ‘em I say! Continue to rock it!

  • Ditto on so many of the comments already. You and your blue hair are FABULOUS, darling!

    I’m not into dying my hair, but I’ve long thought that if I ever do go grey (my grandmother didn’t go completely grey until she was about eighty, and here I sit at fifty with nary a grey hair on my head completely naturally!) and decide I’m not wild about the shade, then I will absolutely go out and dye my hair the most unnatural, most obnoxious color I can think of.

    Like you, I don’t do invisible.

  • Did you get the same reaction when you dyed your hair pink the first time, or is it because unless it’s hyper-feminised blue is seen as a masculine colour that you are getting such an obvious backlash. You have what is seen as a masculine hair cut a body shape which would be more acceptable on a guy and you have used a variation of a boy colour on your hair and then you wear dresses and floral prints and pretty clothes. I suspect if you wore suits or dressed as people assume butch lesbians dress you’d have been assigned a label and the idiots would have been less confused, but you don’t really fit into any box they want to assign to you and they are confused.

    People cling to stereotypes because it’s easier to let someone else assign categories and then put labels on people and shuffle them into neat little boxes. Problem is real people are more complicated and lazy thinking means you miss nuances that would help you grow as a person. With your choice of hair colour you have stepped out of one box and do not look enough like their stereotypes to push you into another, the anger that is expressed at you is, I suspect, them being forced to use their brains for the first time in a long time rather than using media inspired categorising.

    On a similar but more isolated note,I had a teen-aged girl do the stare, nudge friend, stare thing recently… I gave them my widest smile *grins* they looked mortified scurried off faster and then looked back and half freaked when they realised I was still watching them.

    I don’t suppose I’ve influenced the to improve their behaviour, but hopefully they will be less OMG sideshow freak about it, although the subtle staring can make me kinda paranoid at times it’s still easier to deal with than the slack jawed gaping of the up and coming generation.

    I wouldn’t have been strong enough or confident enough to do it if it weren’t for friendly spaces like this. Although I’m not perfect yet, I was giggling in an uncharitable way over the look of mortification on the faces of the girls staring.

  • Hell yeah! I can so relate to this,thank you for sharing your thougths and putting that hate right back where it belongs, with the hater. I love your hair, it’s gorgeous. That colour is so fresh and cheery!

    I just found out my husband finds me ugly. I’d suspected it for awhile but yesterday it was confirmed through his guilt stricken look and averted eyes to my statement” You’re looking at me like you think I’m the ugliest person who ever lived.” when I caught him staring at me oddly.

    I’m fat, I stopped dyeing my hair and have the gall to love myself anyway. How dare I?
    But that is HIS problem, not mine. Fuck him and fuck anyone else who tries to stick us with their bullshit.

  • Applauds, hoots, and gives you a big fat hug. Yeah, people can suck sometimes and they can make is so hard for us to go about our day to day life, but you are so right – it IS their problem – their HATE that just spills out on us. Keep on rocking the Fattitude!

  • It’s funny. I think sometimes we look at jerks like these people and think “Oh, they must be so insecure and that’s why they’re bullying me – to make up for their own lack of self-esteem. Oh poor things! Bless their hearts!” While this is undoubtedly true in a lot of cases I am going to set my theory on the table that some people really, really are just big @ssholes who like to make others feel bad for no reason. My brother is one of these people. He loves being a bully and his self-esteem is pretty much fantastic. He is mean to people because for some reason the idiots just can’t work out how to be as great as him and furthermore he’s been like that since he was about five.

    Rock on with your bad self, and ignore the idiots. Your hair is amazing!

  • Courage is beautiful.
    Truth of experience is beautiful.
    Sharing pain and reaching out to others in strength is beautiful.
    ! Everything about you, your blog (and your blue hair) appear from here only as beautiful !
    Thank you for writing about your life and these issues.
    d

  • Keep on being a rock and rockin’ (cheezy yes but hey I’m from Wisconsin). Social anxiety makes it even harder to go out sometimes, and I wish I could handle the upkeep that goes along with dyed hair. My hair is longer and kind of wild it would take hours to dye it (first you flatten it, then bleach it, then dye it…). I like that color all those haters can fuck off.

  • Did this not happen with the pink or purple hair? I’m wondering ’cause I’ve been meaning to go turquoise for a long time now, actually bought the dye and all a few months ago. But if there’s something extra “controversial” about fat bluenettes (as opposed to other candy coloured hair) I’d kinda like to be prepared. Absolutely still gonna do it, though. :)

  • Kath, I just want to say you are amazing & I love love love the turquoise on you! I think you are so brave and wonderful.

  • Yargh! What a bunch of horses’ rears! I’m so sorry to hear that people were such jerks to you. As far as I’m concerned, you rock the turquoise hair. You just keep on keepin’ on, and let the haters straighten themselves out.

    (I’ve often thought the ultimate punishment, if I believed in an afterlife, would be to have all one’s defenses and justifications taken away and be forced to watch one’s own life and see all the harms one committed and the result those had on other people. And then, when one had seen it all and owned up to it, to be completely forgiven and given another chance to do it over. But I’m a strange duck that way.)

    I hope tomorrow is better for you.

  • God, you know what…. FUCK them. People can be so, so disappointing . It’s disturbing that you’re experiencing these hateful messages that carry violence (shouting, profanity) behind them for simply being in public. Fat hate is an insidious beast that for some reason is perfectly allowed, and heaven help you if you DARE to make yourself more visible by coloring your hair.
    I know you’re a strong, beautiful woman and will not let these sad excuses for human beings cramp your style. For every shit comment you while on the street, I bet there are 10 people admiring your confidence and poise. Imagine how many timid women are inspired by your presence and absolute lack of justification for existing as you want.
    You’re an awesome person and if other people don’t see it, that’s their problem.

  • Firstly, let me thank you all for your encouragement, compliments, praise and support. It does mean a lot to me. Also, rest assured, I did respond to yesterday’s shouting douchebag with a firm “F*ck you pal!”

    I have no intention of curbing my personal style or choices with hair colour, clothing, accessories or tattoos because some arsehats can’t handle a woman that doesn’t fit their little cookie cutter of “acceptable”.

  • When I first read this post, I was filled with anger and frustration at the evil and ignorance society can present us with. By the time I was done reading the comments, my heart was filled with love and happiness. Yes, we have the haters, but seeing all these LOVERS, well it makes the hate go away! You ARE an inspiration Kath, thanks and keep on doing what you do LOUD, PROUD and TURQUOISE!

  • I think there is also a an element of gender policing in it sparked by your short cut (which also dovetails with the fat issue–if you were a thin woman otherwise “correctly” performing femininity then you could dare to be bold enough to go short, right?).

    I say this because I just dyed my hair turquoise (Manic Panic Atomic Turquoise) about three days ago, and, though I’m a very fat woman, I’ve gotten nothing but positive responses–but I have a very “correctly feminine” hair style, and an otherwise “normal” feminine look.

    But perhaps there’s a cultural element in it, too. I don’t think of myself as living in a particularly fat-positive area, but my city is very “alternative” and bright candy-colored hair is relatively common.

    For what it’s worth I love your blog and your attitude and your fucking awesome hair.

  • Your hair is amazing. I am so sorry you had to endure such douchebaggery. I am continually heartbroken and appalled by the cruelty those of us who don’t confirm to the world’s fascist beauty standards have to face every day. But…you’re awesome and worth a zillion of them. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

  • (hugs) Greetings, fellow Blue-Hair!

    All’s I can say is, thank you! Bad enough it’s hard (and *expensive*) to find things I like to wear in 7X, but the people around me feel entitled to give me [bleep] because I don’t dress the way they think I should? Bork them, I’ve spent thirty years being invisible. Life’s too short to be anything other than myself.

    As to embarassing pictures being taken, I haven’t noticed but I’m sure there have been. I’m not sure how I’ll react when it does happen. This is Texas, so I haven’t totally ruled out a taser. Joking of course.

  • Your hair looks BEAUTIFUL!! People can be such hateful jerks, especially if you break their personal ‘laws of fashion.’ Glad you told them off. Why do they think their opinions are so important or that we care? Fashion is supposed to be about self-expression.

  • I got photographed again this past weekend. But instead of getting upset, I just let it be. If they need to take a picture of me living my life, so be it. Let them capture the expeience of a fat woman daring to be fat in public. I dare say I live my life with dignity and perhaps a little grace. So, no matter what they do with the image, even if they give it a nasty caption and laugh, they can’t make it other than a piece of my life.

    • I’m really sorry. Really sorry. It’s just so wrong.
      I just can’t get my head around how people can be so inhumane to other human beings. I’ve never been able to understand, and I guess I never will.
      A thought came to me, have people who have had these rotten beasts snap photos of them, ever tried snapping a photo back? I wonder how they would react, if that would make them feel even a smidgin uncomfortable? Which they need to feel.
      *hugs*

      • I never have done that. But I don’t have a cell phone so I don’t have a camera with me most of the time. :)

        And I see that somehow my paragraph about the glories of turquoise hair got lost. I keep having trouble with reply box. I’m sorry, Kath. That was the first thing I wrote about. I think the color looks great.

  • Fat Heffalump,
    I’m a new reader. My wife (Laments and Lullabies) brought me to you. First off, kudos for being outspoken. You’re vocal on a topic that is bastardized by the media, and carried out most of the time with a message of hate.
    My wife and I were just discussing how weight will dehumanize a person in society. It seems that the more weight someone carries, the less respect that someone will get. Like there’s a scale: thin you’re revered, and really fat you’re a piece of shit, a sideshow.
    Thank you for being an inspiration. And on a human level, sending you a great deal of positive and nice vibes.
    Le Clown

  • I wonder if internet “humour-pages” like Cheeseburgers “Badly Dressed” make that kind of behaviour more acceptable? And why are they so mean? Like any person who is wearing something not quite usual is idiot who doesn’t know what they are doing? (There are no one who is going to costume party, or just like turquoise – only people too stupid to understand that they are dressed as cows or using hair-dyes…. and thats why is okay to take their pictures in secret and send it to some pages with text “Look at that idiot”)
    It drives me crazyyy !
    Your hair looks good and fits to your style perfectly :)

  • Here’s my two cents. I think it looks fucking amazing, and people are afraid of courage. Let’s face it, they don’t see it everyday, so they don’t understand. I think it’s awesome, if it means anything at all! I’m jealous! I’d love to do that too, but sadly, I do not have the guts.

  • I live in Italy, where wheelchairs in public, as well as actually pronouncing the word “cancer” instead of saying “a nasty illness” are a relative novilty.. Traditionally, anything, or anyone who doesn’t fit into the ‘acceptable’ in this so-called catholic country is kept hidden away. That’s slowly changing now, far too slowly.. but it is changing. I am always in awe when I visit Britain and see what a vast variety of humanity has free access to as autonomous a life as possible.. unthinkable here. However, if I immerse myself in your British reality, and am made aware of the sort of descrimination that goes on.. my reaction is instinctively not so much anger against these dispicable people who deride their fellow man, but indignation against who brought up these people up to be the way they are. I always feel that not nearly enough attention is given to the quality of good parenting. If humans who become parents are unable to instill empathy into their children, then it’s a tragic sign they lack it themselves. CHILDREN need to be helped somehow (at school perhaps?) to come into contact with empathy for those surrounding them. It’s the only chance for a better future. Behind the anger I feel, I am actually SORRY for those who lack empathy.

  • Basically we’re talking about boundary issues here. It’s none of my business or anyone else’s what colour you do your hair as it’s not stopping us from getting on with our lives. I’m so glad you refuse to be a a victim. I wanted to share with you what happened when I shaved my head for charity and why i eventually let it grow again. I had no idea that how we wear our hair could have such a powerful effect on others. I liked my hair really short – it was very practical and didn’t look bad though I say it myself. My then man friend called me hedgehog in a friendly way but other comments made me realise that some people perceived it as quite distressing; those that had had family members with cancer, and thos e who had memoriesof wartime holocaust victims; and someone in India said i reminded them of their finance minister! She was female incidentally. None of this ever occured to me when I’d decided to get my head shaved but i had no wish to upset anyone so I let it grow and have never done it since. I’m not sorry I did it though, and it seems tame in comparison with your wonderful colour, but I learnt a lot about people during that period. I wish you joy and happiness. Always be kind to yourself even if other people aren’t.

  • I keep coming back to this post, over and over again, and sharing it with important people in my life. These are all people that try to convince me that I’m not fat when I identify without shame as fat, because you know, to say I’m fat means I must have low self esteem. I point them to this to say “this is what people think of fat, enough to try and shame a person out of being happy, wearing what they want, being colorful, doing things like riding a bike or going to the beach, or even shopping”. We can’t even dye our hair! I mean, we can, but you know :) And I’m an old member of Fatshionista, though I haven’t posted or followed it in years.

  • i think you look super cool! im dying my hair pink this week and im 36…i have been going thru a mid life crisis type thing all of a sudden lol. i just feel the need to have pink hair! i am really wondering what people are gonna say but its not gonna stop me from doing it! man we all gotta be happy with our selves i wanna go on this journey and do everything i can to not have regrets of things i DIDNT do ya know? so you rock that turquoise hair like theres no tomorrow!!!!!

    • Many years ago I happened on a book called Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estès. If any of you know it, I’m sure you will recommend it, as I would like to do! It is beautiful, all about maintaining ones dignity by being true to oneself. There’s a paragraph that says:
      ‘While it is useful to make bridges even to those groups one does not belong to, and it is important to try to be kind, it is also imperative not to strive too hard, not to belive too deeply that if one acts just right, if one manages to tie down all the itches and twitches of the wildish ‘criatura’, that one can actually pass for a nice, restrained, subdued, and demure lady-woman. It is that kind of acting, that kind of ego-wish to belong at all costs, that knocks out the Wild Woman connection in the psyche. Then instead of a vital woman you have a nice woman who is de-clawed. Then you have a well-behaved, well-meaning, nervous woman, panting to be good. No, it is better, more graceful, and far more soulful to just be what and as you are and let the other creatures be what they are too.’

      • I have that book on my book shelf, Rosamund. After reading this excerpt I shall be reading it this weekend, thanks!

        • I well remember another piece from that book too, it describes a woman dancing; a ‘large’ woman.. who was incredibly beautiful as she moved rythmically and in absolut peace with herself and the earth beneath her feet. The beauty came from her being totally in harmony with her unique, prescious body. I’ve been listening to a radio program this morning here in Italy where I live, and they were discussing the female figure, yet again; how more attention is perhaps being given to “the fuller figure on the catwlalk, at last.” Well it was sickening. It was STILL about how women can dress and how they should wear make-up and how they should style their hair SO THAT THEY LOOK SLIMMER! It’s so sad to think how much precious time humanity is wasting on the totally irrelevant. So much is off ballance.. harmony in many fields seems to be misinterpreted, stunned, killed off..
          All the best to a beautiful, multiform, multicoloured humanity! And lots of love from me!

  • People are assholes, and if they can’t see your awesomeness, then screw them. You’re more beautiful than those who attempt to look down on you.

  • You’re a fantastic person, and putting anyone down for their hair color, body size, clothing style, and so on is an awful thing to do.

    Your hair is wonderful!

  • I think you’re magnificent! You have my respect and admiration. The worst sort of world is the one in which people cannot live their own lives, but instead must live a life someone else thinks is right for them. I support 100 percent your choice to live your life on YOUR terms.

  • I absolutely LOVE your last sentence, “Keep your hate to yourself. It is your burden to carry, not mine.” WELL SAID! Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • It’s beautiful. And people don’t just bully and ridicule people who are “fat”- my beautiful daughter (who was a size zero) and by all standard definitions of beauty was gorgeous, committed suicide last month. She couldn’t stand to live in a world where people are so cruel to each other. So I applaud everyone who can find compassion for others & for themselves as well. People are afraid of being different and of people who are different. Pity those people. Embrace differences. We are all equal and have beauty in just being.

  • Hi, I just read this as a post on my wall from Kaye Toal. I struggle with self hatred because I am obese. I am obese, I don’t know why, my eating habits or my genetic make-up whatever. I am obese because I want to hide.
    People tend to avoid fat people (not just fit or skinny people, sometimes other fat people too.) I like that just fine. I don’t want to be identified. If I could be invisible I’d be that instead.
    I’m replying because what you said made me think. It made me think about who I am and why I am. And I think that that is important. Just as important as announcing for society, media and the medical community that being fat isn’t a ticket for anyone to bully, abuse, harass or treat someone like they are lower than anyone else. And I too am sick of it. Thank you.

  • As for the fuckwit who hollered “why would you want to draw attention to that head?” Well, why does he think anyone wants to hear his nasty mouth, which he is drawing attention to himself with. What a low life.
    I admit to dressing in oversized clothes because I want to hide my body, but I did this even before I had a bigger body. It’s part of having been sexually assaulted. I hate being sexualized. I admire larger women who stand out loud and proud. Keep on keeping on.

  • Kath you are amazing…I was recently called a “fucking fat, miserable cow” because I wouldnt move my car to let a truck into my spot. I was out of the car on my way to school to pick up my son..and was called back to move my car down the street so he could park directly outside his work. It was a public spot so I said ” my son is waiting so I’ll be back to move it when I get him” well the hatred that was spat back at me took my breath away…I ended up fronting up to him and telling him where to go, but I burst into tears as soon as I rounded the corner. My husband wanted me to report him to his company, but some timid part of me was too scared to…sigh…Im trying to be strong, but this world is so hard to take sometimes. Your blog makes me suck it in and put myself back out there. Thankyou and sorry for what youve had to put up with!!

    • Just read your current post and wish I hadnt posted this now, with all you’ve had to deal with I didnt want to add another story!

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