- Angry fat bitch!
- You’re so bitter!
- You don’t care about the CAUSE, it’s all about YOU!
- OMG you’re so rude! It’s no wonder you’re hated when you’re so RUDE! I was just giving my OPINION!!
- You’ve got such a foul mouth!
- Why are you so sensitive? God, get over it! What are you, paranoid?!
- Well, you’re not getting MY support any more! Not if you can’t be nice.
- If you weren’t such a rude bitch, you wouldn’t have these troubles. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar you know.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard something along the lines of the above statements, I would have a LOT of dollars. It happens a lot. I get people turning up here, and in my other spaces online, lecturing me on how I’m supposed to behave and react and address them… in my space online.
I feel like a broken record half the time, telling people to fuck off.
But I think people need to be told to fuck off once in a while. It does us all good. Actually, if being told to fuck off on a blog or a facebook page or somewhere else online is the worst of your troubles in a day, you’re doing well I reckon! I wish the worst that happened to me in life was being told to fuck off! In fact, at any given time that I comment on someone else’s blog or other online space, I do so knowing that they have the full right to tell me to fuck off. After all, I’m in THEIR space.
There’s a reason I’m so vehement about telling people to fuck off. Two reasons really. The first is because most of the time, in everyday life, we can’t just tell people to fuck off. Because people are so threatened by two words “fuck off” they’re likely to resort to violence, or ACTUAL bullying tactics.
Incidentally don’t let anyone convince you that telling someone to fuck off is bullying. It’s clear, it gets the message across, it’s not hidden away from witnesses like actual bullying is. It doesn’t denigrate someone or cause them any harm. It is simply a succinct, profane instruction. Fuck off out of my life. As much as so many people want to clutch their pearls and carry on like they’ve been slandered or wounded or some other great harm, fuck off does nobody any actual harm.
The second is that unless we stand up and stand solid in our own little corners of the internet, then we just get silenced again. And again and again and again. We fat folk are constantly told that we have to play by society’s rules. We have to put up with so much shit in this world. From hearing that we’re sub-human, worthless and inferior, through to being the subject of hate, derision and scorn, and right through to physical harm – be it passive (diets, weight loss surgery, dismissal of our health needs, an environment that we have to painfully squeeze our bodies in to) or aggressive (actual physical assault and harassment). Every day we are subjected to being policed for every aspect of our behaviour – from the mere space we take up through to what we eat and what we wear and what we do with our bodies.
So when we do carve out a little space, a tiny corner of the vast universe of the internet, then we have EVERY right to set up boundaries in that space and not tolerate anyone who tries to police us within those boundaries. I have to sit through people telling me I don’t have the right to agency over my own life and body every single day, I’ll be damned I’m going to sit quietly while people do it in my tiny spaces online.
Actually I just thought of a third reason. So that I can hopefully give you folk, even if it’s only one of you, the strength to tell someone to fuck off when they’re behaving in a manner that is unacceptable to you. If I give just one of you some strength when you’re feeling like the whole world is just pushing you down at every opportunity, then it is worth it.
You bet I’m angry. You bet I’m going to get hot headed and loud about it. It’s WRONG and unless those of us who can speak up DO speak up, it’s never going to change.
I’m under no illusion that I’m “nice” or “sweet” or even “popular”. I don’t want to be nice, or sweet or popular. There are no “true colours” waiting to be exposed – I’m angry, I swear a lot and I have little tolerance for bullshit. I want to be the thorn in people’s side when they’re behaving in a way that is unacceptable. I want to be that painful bit of sand that irritates the oyster of the world and creates change. So what if people hate me for it – people hate me already just for living in a fat body, they hated me even when I was a brown mouse fatty too scared to say anything to anyone. I’m used to being hated.
I’m tired of playing nice with people. Nobody plays nice with we fat folk. We are forced to justify our existence time and time again, we are dismissed, dehumanised, derided and denied. We are treated as though we are inferior, and we are vilified as monsters at every turn. So I feel no obligation to be “polite” with people who turn up in my online spaces under the guise of “disagreeing” or “freedom of opinion” with our rights to live our lives on equal footing with any other human being. Nobody gets to debate fat people’s right to fair treatment in the world. NOBODY.
I’m not here to convince fat haters, not-fat people looking for superiority and “skeptics” of fat activism that fat people deserve to be treated as human beings. They’re never truly going to be convinced anyway, and they waste all of our time putting caveats on that, on the condition that we “play nice”. The minute they disagree with us or we stand up to them, they turn that hate back on to us all over again. Don’t be afraid that you’ll “lose their support”… if they’re that easily turned away, we never had their support to start with. And NOBODY is that important that their withdrawing their support is going to end the fat activism movement. And I believe if you connect with ONE person properly that it’s worth far more than suppressing your voice to make a thousand people happy.
I’m here for my own sanity, my own voice but most importantly my fellow fatties, who are told everywhere else in the world that they are inferior. I’m here for you my beloved fat community. I’m here to show you that you don’t have to stand for shitty treatment and that you are valuable, that you are worthy, that you are equal human beings to anyone else.
I have no interest in catching flies with honey or vinegar. We all know flies eat shit anyway – I’m here with a can of Fuck Off, to repel those flies from this one little corner of the internet.