Fear and Loathing (and Jealousy) in BrisVegas

Published April 9, 2014 by sleepydumpling

Well… for all of you who have yet to see it, Jasmin Lill has done another excellent interview for News.com.au.  I’m going to link to The Australian version, because there are only two comments and they are a WHOLE lot less shitty than those on the Courier Mail (one of my colleagues tried to read them and he got so angry and upset I had to make him stop reading) and nobody needs to be subjected to that.

But speaking of being subjected to things… boy, have I had a lot of hate in my inbox over the past 8-10 hours.  No doubt there will be more, the bullies and abusers always come out of the woodwork whenever one of us has something in the mainstream media.  It was like fat hate bingo on steroids all day.

I know why.  Two reasons.  Firstly, they’re afraid, because they’re being called out on their shitty behaviour publicly – it makes them nervous that someone in their own lives is going to tell them what douchebags they are.  It’s only a matter of time before it happens.  Secondly, they are unbelievably jealous.  They’re so dirty that they’re not the ones being listened to, being asked their opinions, being sought after to tell their story.  It drives them wild with jealousy that the people that they believe are beneath them, that they believe they are better than, are the ones being taken seriously.  Man, that’s got to sting.  Good.

However, the reason I’m posting tonight is that while I was on the train home tonight, feeling tired after an intense day, frustrated that The Courier Mail don’t have a better commenting policy, and fed up with being told to go die in a fire or that I am disgusting, a song shuffled into play on my iTunes and just reminded me of the important message.

So for all of you who’ve ever had to deal with pathetic people who have nothing better to do than say hateful things, here’s a song for you…

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37 comments on “Fear and Loathing (and Jealousy) in BrisVegas

  • I started my day with reading this post and listening to the song. A good way to start the day! Thank you for sharing and for fighting the good fight. <3

    • Yup. And an armchair doctor, psychologist, dietician, eating disorder specialist, thermonuclear physicist, fashion designer, clothing manufacturer, and mind-reader.

      Sadly most of them are real life douchebags as well.

  • Hi, I just read the interview with Jasmin Lill. You sounded powerful and intelligent and the photos of your interacting with the mannequin were cute. I admire you for putting yourself out there despite all the hate mail and bullying.

    Thank you especially for making the point about fat people needing to find suitable interview clothes. Having (or not having) attractive work outfits really can affect whether we get hired or not, or whether we even apply.

    For years, I avoided applying for jobs when the ad said “must have professional appearance” largely because I was fat and I didn’t have– or know how to find– an interview suit. This year, at 41, I bought my very first suit (had it tailor-made in Korea). Ironically, I got my current job through a phone interview, but having a suit that fit really boosted my confidence.

    • Yes, it’s so hard to have “professional appearance” when nobody makes the clothes in your size. Or if they do, they’re ridiculously expensive, or poor quality.

      Fat bodies are coded as “sloppy” to start with, without being put on the back foot by poor clothing options.

  • You’re awesome, and you look gorgeous in the photos in that article! Thank you so much for being strong and speaking out. You’re making all our lives a little bit better.

  • Kath, you are awesome. I know lots of others have said it, I just want to add my support. Also, I love what you look like, thank you for being you.

  • *HUGS* against the haters! I read the article and I thought you sounded great! I’m a size 18-20 US and often feel limited in my choices. Knowing that other people’s options are even more reduced makes me even angrier.

    You are right that clothing folks are shooting themselves in the foot. Simple numbers should make that clear. From what I’ve read, at least half if not more people are supposed to be overweight or obese, yet those clothing sections are a small fraction of any department store. It completely baffles me.

  • Being myself on the upswing after an intensely awful week and a half, thank you so much for the reminder that other people’s words only have the power to stop us if we let them.

    Your words, on the other hand, are a powerful force for good in my life, giving me regular reminders that I’m awesome just as I am, and that I don’t have to accept mistreatment. Thank you, Kath!

  • Thank you so much Kath for your wonderful article. I am proud of you for standing up and speaking out. I to am subjected to this form of abuse and although I have tried many times to lose weight (failed lap band surgery – not my fault) it has been a merry-go round of misery. I always try to be happy and cheerful in public and find myself making jokes about my own size quite often. The truth is I am miserable inside because I know many people do not see ‘me” only my size. I am lucky to have a few very good friends but I can’t even share with them how I really feel. I worry about my health now yet can’seem to get off the bad eating habits – binging on chocolate being the worst. I guess it is my comfort food when I am alone…. XX
    Jill

    • When I see an addict in the street, or a homeless person, or any other person less fortunate than me, I think “I wonder how I can help that person.” Because I’m not a complete and utter bigoted jerk like you Tanny. I don’t act like they are not human beings, or like I am better than them – I’m just more fortunate than they are. Pity you seem to relish in your superiority complex.

      But that’s irrelevant, because fat people are not addicts, or diseased, or damaged. The only thing that damages us is people like you, who spread your vile hate like a disease.

      You make me feel sick.

    • Thanks Jill, I’m sorry to hear that you are also subjected to abuse and harassment. It’s just fucking WRONG – and people get away with it, that’s what makes me so angry.

      One small note though – please no “bad” food talk here. Many readers (and I myself) are eating disorder sufferers and that kind of moralising of food is very triggering. Food has no moral value, it is neither “bad” nor “good”.

  • *blah blah blah another cowardly fat hater spewing their bigoted bile and showing what a colossal jerk they are. Not one single thing I have to say is either original or intelligent, and clearly I have nothing better to do with my life than spew my childish hate at complete strangers on the internet*

    • Do you pathetic creatures realise just how sad you make yourself look? Seriously, all you’re doing is proving my point. Thanks for that, makes my job much easier.

      And if you can’t come up with anything that isn’t the frequently heard arsehattery we’ve heard a million times before, why don’t you go back to primary school where your mentality belongs?

  • I read this blog of yours and just can’t believe that people treat you like that. I am a size 22 and in this age the sizes of women are going up. It took me 6 years to locate a bikini top that I could not only fit in but also afford. I wear them in summer around the house to try to keep cool and people still don’t think it is appropriate for me at my size to wear a bikini around the house let alone if I was to wear it at a public pool. I had to get it up from Victoria and I live in Queensland. I applaud you for your outfits and your gumption to speak up when someone makes a comment about your size or is rude to you. I wish I could do that. I am just not that quick off the mark. Good on you Kath and keep speaking up for us who can’t. We love you out here.

    • Annette, I’m so glad to hear you rocking the bikini. I can’t find one that has enough support for my rack of doom! And don’t worry, it’s hard to respond to people being randomly douchey… it still takes me by surprise after all these years!

  • Fantastic! Keep up the great work!

    I’d love to take photos of you (with your permission of course!) to share your beauty and heart to the world! You’re an inspiration!

    You make such great points regarding the fashion industry. Designers don’t want women looking stylish and feeling good about our bodies. They want us thin and ashamed of ourselves. Cover this to accentuate that. Smoke and mirrors to detract the eye from a particular part of the body. That kinda deal. We hate our own bodies and that’s such a shame.

    Stylish plus sized fashion in Australia is unaffordable. Just check out the prices in stores like City Chic. So the only choices left for bigger women is to shop in Target, Big W or Kmart and be left to look like frumpy granny tents while being open to more ridicule and cruel judgement from people. I’ve noticed this while going from a size 10 personal trainer to a size 18-20 due to a malfunctioning thyroid which then led onto chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, making it totally impossible to shift any weight. I’ve also noticed that larger men can still remain stylish in their clothing choices but this isn’t the case for women’s fashion. Like the dude from the cadbury ad used to say…..”Why is it so?!”

    I’d love to be a plus size designer and design beautiful things for women of all voluptuous shapes and sizes, at affordable prices.

    • Thank you Christine!

      Once upon a time I would NEVER let anyone photograph me. I have decades where there are only two or three photos of me in existence. Part of fat liberation has been learning to love being photographed. I did that in several ways, from learning little tips from a photographer friend in how to look natural and comfortable in photos, to taking and posting selfies, to being involved in photographic projects. Participating in The Stocky Bodies project was INCREDIBLY liberating and I am sure Isaac took more photos of me in the first hour than were taken in my entire life previously. If you (or anyone else) would really like to do a photographic project, get in touch!

      Ugh, City Chic don’t even cater to my size any more, they cut us out a couple of years back and then put some of the larger sizes online as though they were ashamed of us. They’re not the only ones who do it either. But that’s the thing – either we get ignored, shunted aside to only shop online, or we get frumpy sacks and overpriced tizz. GAH!

      Fibromyalgia sucks, doesn’t it?

  • I don’t understand all this hate just because people are different. Nobody had the right to spew bile at you because of the way you dress or the way you look. It enrages me that people’s attitudes to others have an impact on self esteem. I hate it when I see somebody who is feeling bad about themselves. I just want to grab them and tell them how amazing they are!!

    Thinking about it, I am tempted to say if you haven’t been there you might not understand but that is rubbish. Spewing hate at people is ignorance and nobody has the right to make another person feel bad about themselves, full stop. Take your judgement and…well, keep it!!

  • Please accept my apology Kath for all the insensitive, holier than thou, responders to this article. I am appalled that anyone could think that a person’s weight gives others a pass to be disrespectful, nasty and rude. Dress as you want, act as you want and hope that your abusers never have to experience even 1/10 of the pain and abuse you encounter every day.

  • F@ck the haters. All the abuse you’re copping points to one thing – the dreadful primary school mentality of desperately aiming crap at other people, lest it be turned on them instead. You’re wonderful, I had no idea you or your blog existed til I read the courier mail website article (so it was good for other things than stupid bogans in a race for the bottom). Stay strong, stand your ground. Cause you have as much right to be there as anyone. God it’s depressing though to see evolution in reverse right before our eyes. The world has a lot more to worry about than us fat b$tches, but that would take the use of both a brain and a soul and those seem to be sadly scarce right now. A shame. Have a wonderful weekend and very much looking forward to hearing more of your adventures. Jen

    • Thank you Jen. You are the kind of person I put myself out there and do the press for – the people who are fed up with being treated like crap by those with a childish attitude to life and people.

      Actually no, children behave better mostly!

  • Tapti it’s not always as easy as “I would have done…”. It didn’t happen to you, it happened to ME. I’m quite sure if it had happened to you, it is highly likely that you would be as shocked as I was.

    • Yeah personally, when something catches me off guard, I don’t always know what to say or how to respond. I can be confrontational at times easily enough but if I get surprised by something, it can be a different story.

  • Awesome article that made me smile :) great to see youre not letting those trolls spoil your fun! Love your style :)

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