Trigger warning on what follows: discussion of eating disorders, prejudice against fat eating disorder sufferers and rampant healthism.

Now, on to the actual topic of this post!  As you know, on Tuesday night I was proud to present at the UQ Women’s Collective Diversity Week event.  One of my fellow speakers was a representative from the Eating Disorders Association Inc (EDA) and she spoke on what eating disorders are, who is most likely to be affected by them, and what methods of treatments there are.  We had some robust discussion during the Q&A portion of the event in response to audience questions.  I only wish we could have answered more audience questions, but alas, we ran out of time.

Since then, I have had a LOT of thoughts swirling around my head around eating disorders and how they relate to fat people.  As you would have seen in my last post, I have been an eating disorder sufferer for most of my life, however I was in my 30′s before I was finally officially diagnosed with EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), which technically means an eating disorder that for some reason does not fit under Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa or Binge Eating Disorder (which has only this week been classified officially as an eating disorder).  In personal terms, for me it means that I have an eating disorder… but I’m fat, so I am excluded from being diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia, despite meeting almost all of the other criteria.  Yes, just being fat disqualifies you from having anorexia or bulimia regardless of your meeting all or most of the other criteria.

So it’s probably no surprise to any of you that I have issues with how the health care industry, most eating disorder support organisations and the general community of eating disorder sufferers treat fat people.  Particularly as it is mostly assumed that fat = binge eating disorder, which is nothing short of bullshit.  Can I put that in any plainer terms for anyone?  BULLSHIT.  Fat people are assumed to just be overeaters or binge eaters by way of being fat.  It is often believed that it is impossible for a fat person to have a restrictive or purging eating disorder, or to be involved in disordered exercise behaviours.  Even as much research (and anecdotal evidence/lived experience) there is out there showing how many fat people have engaged in these forms of disordered eating/activity, the medical profession and most eating disorder organisations still do not recognise it in fat people, and instead suggest that “denial” is one of our symptoms of what must be binge eating disorder.

What regularly happens to fat people who present with all of the markers of restrictive/purging/exercise mania is that we are told to “keep up the good work” instead of having our illnesses recognised.  Behaviours which are widely recognised as destructive, disordered behaviour in thin people, are considered a “positive lifestyle change” in fat people and actively encouraged.  It certainly was for many, many years through my suffering.

And it seems that hasn’t changed much.

So fat people are being failed by most eating disorder support organisations, the medical/health care industry and the general eating disorder community still.

The first question to the panel on Tuesday night was asking how we respond to the “But what about your health?!” demands.  As the fattest person in the room, it meant a lot to me to make it clear that my health, and in fact anyone’s individual health, is nobody’s business but their own.  That it’s not a subject up for discussion unless the person themselves wish it to be so.  You know, the “If it’s not your body, it’s not your business.” mantra.

The representative from EDA then added that she saw the situation differently, and while she started positively with stating that the same health messages should be given to all people, regardless of their body shape or size (which I agree with), it soon devolved into a lot of deeply healthist and fat stigmatising rhetoric about bell curves of mortality rates in body sizes, BMI, “obesity epidemic” and “weight risk factors”.  I was at pains to point out that as someone at one end of that “bell curve”, most of this rhetoric is deeply problematic as it has a risk of demonising and othering those of us who fall at either end of that bell curve.  It also implies that we require intervention into our health, and ignores the fact that “risk” in no way equals “certainty”.  It perpetuates an assumption that people at the ends of the bell curve are by default defective, rather than just the natural extremes of a diverse spectrum of body types.  It also perpetuates the assumption that very fat people or very thin people by default are inevitably going to suffer health issues and/or shorter lifespans that they are only statistically “at risk” for.  This is not an accurate assumption nor is it a helpful one.

I was grateful that it was also raised by someone in the audience (kudos to Amy if you’re reading this) that BMI is both an inaccurate and ineffectual measure of anything (other than ratio of weight to height) and that it is deeply triggering to not just fat people but also to eating disorder sufferers in general (which was many of the audience – since it was an eating disorders event).  BMI is often the stick that people with poor self esteem and body image, and eating disorders beat themselves over the head with.

Unfortunately, I have found healthist rhetoric like this is alarmingly common from eating disorder support organisations, and while they may be well intentioned, are causing the exclusion of many people based on body shape and size, as well as level of health.  The reality is, many eating disorder sufferers have other health issues or may be people with disabilities as well as those caused by or part of their eating disorders, and these already vulnerable people are often made to feel that they do not deserve compassionate treatment and support because they’re hearing the message that health is the most important factor in treatment and support.

We need to keep repeating the message that not only is health completely and utterly arbitrary, but it is not a moral obligation either.  Moralising health is a deeply ableist attitude.  We need to keep fighting for our personal agency in health care as well.  Yes, occasionally there are people who are genuinely unable to advocate for themselves, these are in the vast minority and most importantly, that cannot be determined by either their weight or their actual physical health.  I believe the ONLY way to assess the inability to self advocate is through thorough and compassionate psychological assessment.

As long as we as a culture continue to define wellbeing and human worth by weight and/or arbitrary health measures, we are engaging in both ableism and fat stigma, neither of which actually help people build better wellbeing.  And it’s not just fat people/people with disabilities who are affected by this.   The fear of fat and stigmatising, ableist messages about health trigger damaging behaviours in people of all sizes and levels of physical health/ability.  As long as people are afraid of being fat or place moral obligation on health, they will be engaging in damaging and indeed unhealthy behaviours to avoid being fat or unhealthy.  It is a vicious cycle of direct cause and effect that we have to break for any progress to be made, and that needs to start with the very organisations who are in place to help break disordered behaviours.

What we need an entire cultural change around health and weight and I believe that eating disorder support organisations and groups need to be at the front of this cultural change, not being dragged along by those of us on the margins.  They have a responsibility to make effort to include and support those of us who are most vulnerable to stigma and bigotry, not marginalise us further.

I know it was of high emotion for some attendees, a couple of you came to speak to me and I’m really honoured, thank you so much for sharing yourselves with me so openly. Honestly, I was deeply moved by what I saw was courage for some of you.

Anyway, without any further ado, here is the piece I gave tonight. I hope it connects with you all and that you don’t feel so alone.

You are not alone.

Wait.

Wait until you lose weight. That’s what they say. When you lose weight, then you will get a great job, live in a nice house, wear cute clothes, travel the world, boys will like you, you’ll be happy.

I’d settle to be treated with respect. You know.

To be able to walk down the street without being called disgusting by a guy with his finger buried to the second knuckle up his nose.

To be able to eat in public without people sneering and calling me a fat pig while my thin date eats three times as much as me and still picks off my plate.

To sit on a bus without people clucking their tongues and clutching their pearls at the fatty who takes up too much space, while the dudebro on the seat opposite spreads his legs akimbo to showcase his enormous imaginary testicles.

To go to the doctor and be treated for whatever it is that made me go there in the first place, a sore throat, a sports injury, crippling menstrual pain, a lump in my breast… without being handed a diet and being told to wait.

Oh I’ve waited. I waited for 35 years.

I waited through diets and meal replacements.

I waited through grapefruit and cabbage soup and two days on/one day off fasting.

I waited through “appetite suppressants” that were legal amphetamines that made me not sleep or eat or even drink water for four days solid.

I waited through over 20 years of sticking my fingers down my throat and purging what little I allowed myself to eat.

I waited through stealing laxatives from chemists and supermarkets because they had all worked out my little scam of buying a few at a time in many locations so that they didn’t know what I was doing with them.

I waited through calorie counting and carb counting and fat counting and doing it lite and easy.

I waited through Weight Watchers.

I waited through months spent in gyms and public pools, pushing myself until I passed out or vomited or preferably both.

I waited through the walking. Walking for hours every day, in the morning, during lunch, of an evening. Walking until my feet bled and my knees gave out underneath me. Walking until I broke a pedometer that couldn’t count enough steps.

I waited through nutritionists and doctors and psychiatrists who read my food and exercise diaries and said “You must be lying, you need to tell the truth in these diaries.” I had lied. I put more food and less exercise on there than I had actually done, because I knew they wouldn’t believe me anyway.

I waited through decades of being told that I couldn’t possibly have an eating disorder because I was “obese”. Through countless blind eyes turned towards my restricting and purging and exercise mania, because what is considered disordered in thin people is considered a “lifestyle change” in fat people.

I’ve waited through losing my friends and almost losing my job because all I thought about or talked about night or day was “I must lose weight.”

I waited through chalky teeth and shitty metabolism and permanent damage to my intestines.

I waited through crippling depression and rock bottom self esteem and suicidal thoughts because I was never good enough unless I could lose the weight.

I’ve waited long enough. I waited so long I forgot to live.

So I stopped waiting. I forgot about waiting and I embraced my weight. I stopped waiting for others to give me the respect I that is my human right and I gave it to myself. I wrapped my arms around my full, fat body, I embraced my prodigious belly, my thick thighs, my mountainous bosom, my chunky arms and all my glorious chins.

I got tattooed, I got a lover, I got a promotion, I got a passport, I found my voice, I got a life.

How long will you wait?

Embracing Our Bodies: A panel discussion and information session on eating disorders in Australia
Date: Tuesday 21st May, 2013
Time: 6pm
Location: UQ Student Union Complex Innes Room 2

I am particularly looking for artwork (as I can’t even draw a stick figure!), and I particularly need a cover image.  Something that glorifies obesity all over the place!!  Send me your fatties!

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m suffering a bit of activist fatigue at the moment.  I’m writing a couple of pieces (I’m participating in the University of Queensland Women’s Collective Diversity Week event on Tuesday and have another commissioned piece) which I am finding I have to work a lot harder at than I usually do.  Mostly because I’m really quite over being expected to justify our existence as human beings, and to explain why we “deserve” the right to live our lives in dignity and respect, without fear of vilification or ridicule.  I think I just need to keep reiterating the following:

1. Fat people are human beings.
2. ALL human beings have the right to live their lives in dignity and respect, without the fear of vilification or ridicule because of their bodies, health or appearance.

It’s really that simple, and I simply don’t understand why we keep having to argue this shit!

I’d like to focus much more on celebrating fat people.  I want to focus much more on appreciating who we are.  The richness of our lives.  Our diversity, our style, our talent, our passions, our creativity.  I want to get us out there into the world and let us see each other.  Not for the benefit of the haters, the doubters, the excuse-makers, but for US.  I want to see fabulous fat people like me represented everywhere.  And because I don’t see that everywhere, I’m going to have to be it myself, and maybe others will follow.

So here’s to fat visibility.  Here’s to prodigious bellies, voluminous bosoms, generous butts, thick thighs, round faces, multiple chins, luscious arms, chunky calves and bountiful backs.  Here’s to getting out there and being seen and seeing each other.

Make it a goal to smile warmly at other fatties you encounter in the world.  Signal boost fab fatties that you find online.  Reblog, share, and collate all the fab fatties you find online.  Tell a fatty they’re fabulous.  Believe me, we all need it from time to time, and it’s so much better to focus on that than the shitty attitudes that force us to continually justify our existence.

Now… share a fab fatty or three (in whatever format) with us in the comments.  Let’s link us all up!

So yeah, I want to make one chock-full of fat positivity.  And I’m looking for contributions!  Would you like to be in a zine?  Cos you totally can, if you want to contribute something.

What am I looking for?  Well, here are some guidelines:

1. It must be on the topic of fat/fatness and be fat positive.  This zine will be a celebration of all things fat.
2. It must be able to be reproduced in black and white on no bigger than A4 paper.  This helps me keep the cost down for the actual zine when it is published.
3. It must not marginalise, oppress, other or dismiss other under-privileged people.
4. It must be your own work.

Otherwise, it’s pretty much up to you!

Just some suggestions:

• Artwork
• Poetry
• Review (book, movie, tv show, music etc)
• Photographs
• Humour
• Advice
• Comic strips
• Use your imagination!

For example at the moment I’m working on a tongue-in-cheek piece about fat fashion “rules” which I hope to have an awesome piece of art to accompany it.

What I’d really like to see is some radical stuff.  Stuff that is overwhelmingly celebratory of fat people and fat bodies.  I want to “glorify obesity”.

Now, I’m not planning to make a profit on this zine, I will only be charging enough to cover printing and postage (where needed).  So all contributions will be voluntary and of course you will get FULL credit for your work.  And I will send you a free copy of the zine if your work is published.

The other thing I’m looking for is an awesome name for this zine.  Something that is empowering and bold and radical and that says “We are fat and we are awesome!”  And that is FUN.  So if you can think of anything, let me know.

If you would like to contribute or have any questions that you would like me to answer privately, please email me at fatheffalump at gmail dot com.

Closing date for contributions is Friday 25th of May as I have two weeks “staycation” booked off work from the 27th which will give me time to put it all together and prep it for distribution.

If there is something in particular you would like to see in a fab fatty zine, do let me know in the comments and I will see what I can do.

My heart is very heavy on hearing this news, because Chrissy was… well she was fucking awesome.  She was wild, sexy, fierce, cool, smart, and a fucking rock goddess.  And she was Australian.

I was incredibly young when she first came to my notice.  Maybe 8 or 9.  She came screaming on to screen dressed in a schoolgirl uniform, with torn fishnets, shaggy hair, loads of makeup smeared all over her face and there was no-one else like her.  She was the ultimate rock bitch.  Raw and broken, aggressive and sexy, wild and wicked and smoking hot, fiercely intelligent and deeply passionate… and completely unapologetic for it.  She was called everything from crazy to dirty to angry and beyond.  She was intimidating to everyone – even her fans.  But she was completely and utterly badass.

And she wrote (or co-wrote) all of those amazing songs herself.  She was no mans puppet, no doll dressed up on stage being pretty and perfect.  It was her voice that screamed out, her words, her sexuality, her anger.  She screamed and raged and fought her audience and those who tried to intimidate her.  If men tried to look up her skirt, or called out disgusting things to her, she raged at them, shoving her stiletto into their faces, hurling her mike stand or anything else she could get her hands on.   She was “unladylike” and aggressive, pouting, snarling and screaming.  She often described herself as “the monster Australia needed”.   Her stage presence was both a persona and her true self, all rolled in to one.

She sang about the pressure of girls to be sexy and slut shaming, she sang about women’s sexuality, she sang about masturbation, she sang about kink and abusive relationships, she sang about real subjects and she got a lot of shit for it.  But that never held her back.

Chrissy Amphlett Photo: Tony Mott

I remember my father calling her the most horrific names whenever she appeared on television.  He told me I wasn’t allowed to play or like her music because she was a “dog” and a “slut”. But I loved her and thought she was beautiful and amazing. Perhaps he knew just how much she was subverting his power over me, a burgeoning teen who had been taught that women should be invisible and silent, lest they be labelled “dog” or “slut” or dozens of other derogatory names my father had for women that he deemed unworthy (which to be honest, was almost all women).

I kept photos of her cut from magazines in a sewing box under my bed.  I wasn’t allowed to buy her music, so I taped it off the radio and hid the tapes, only listening with headphones or when my father and brother weren’t around.  Or I taped the music videos and performances on Countdown or other shows off TV, and hid those tapes too.  When I was 14 I stole a copy of Monkey Grip (on beta video!) and watched it secretly one day I was home alone sick from school.  Boys in Town was my favourite song, and still is.

Sadly I never got the chance to see her live.  I had wanted to even see her play Judy Garland in The Boy from Oz but never got the opportunity to do that either.

She was the first truly powerful woman I ever encountered.  She was here expressing her sexuality before Madonna.  She did angry before Alanis.  She was girl power before the Spice Girls.  I actually think that women don’t get the opportunity to express themselves like she did now, they are so objectified and marketed to the wazoo.  She would be considered “unsellable” now, and would receive so much hate for being who she was.  That’s not to say she didn’t get that then, but I think now it’s all about the marketability of women in music… where are the Chrissy’s of today?  This is a woman who fronted a band that had huge hits and popularity while also being wildly radical.

She was a legend in her lifetime and I’m sure she’ll go on to be regarded a greater one now that she’s gone.

I hope she’s up in heaven already causing a ruckus.

I think I’ll leave this post with the best way to celebrate Chrissy… with her music.

It’s not easy navigating in this world where the dominant paradigm is to critique appearances.  We are conditioned from the minute we are born that appearances are what we should judge others on and that we owe the world some kind of standard when it comes to our own appearance.  One of the most liberating things I have learnt is to be able to let go of that conditioning, and start to think of the world in a different way to that dominant rhetoric.  But it occurs to me that there is little to no help on HOW to unlearn all of that stuff, and what is the non-judgemental way to compliment people.  In fact, many of us can’t even see when we’re loading a compliment with body/appearance judgement, and so often we are hurt when someone says “Hey, don’t be a douche!”.  We respond “But I was complimenting you!”

So maybe I should start with a few examples of how not to pay a compliment someone?

I have someone in my life who does this EXTREMELY annoying thing.  She looks me up and down and then indicates my outfit and says “I approve” in a slightly patronising tone.  This one boils my blood!  I don’t wear outfits for other people to deem that they approve, I wear them because I like them and/or feel comfortable in them.   I have noticed that I get the “I approve” on days that I am wearing all dark colours, have most of my body covered or am wearing loose, flowing garments.  It’s particularly pointed on the days where she looks me up and down and doesn’t give the “I approve”.  I got one of those today.  Clearly my outfit (which I think is fabulous) doesn’t meet the standard.  See how “I approve” is not actually a compliment but a judgement?

Another is the “that is so flattering” faux-compliment.  It’s not a compliment to tell someone you like their outfit because it hides/disguises/minimises their body.  You are telling them that their body is something that should be hidden, disguised or minimised.

Add to the list the “you look great today”.  What did I look like yesterday, shithouse?  There’s no need to tack the “today” on to the compliment.  The same goes for “in that dress/colour/when you wear your *** like that” or any other  qualifier.

One that I get a lot is “Look at your legs, they’re amazing!”  I get this all the time, and it’s because on my body, thanks to the fact that I don’t drive which means I walk or cycle most places, my legs are considerably thinner than the rest of me.  What it does is highlight that the “acceptable” part of me is the thinnest bit of me.  I know it’s supposed to be a compliment, but just because my legs are the thinnest bit of me, doesn’t mean they need to be pointed out to all and sundry because they’re the least fat bit.  The rest of me, even my enormous belly, is pretty bloody fabulous thank you!

Some of you may have your own faux-compliments that you’d like to add to the list and you’re welcome to do so in the comments.

So… how do you compliment someone without accidentally putting body judgement on there?  Well… it’s actually pretty easy!  The best way is to keep it simple.

• DO compliments on people’s skills.  A talent in styling an outfit or choosing fabulous colours or accessorising is a fabulous thing to have.  “I love the way you’ve styled that outfit!” or “You have accessorised fabulously!” are great compliments that don’t load body judgement in there.  You can even say “You have fabulous style!”
• DO say you like an outfit, garment or accessory.  “I love your shoes!” or “Great dress!”  “Those earrings are awesome!”  Keep it simple.
• DO use “I like” or “I love” statements.  I like your shoes.  I love your outfit.
• DO tell people when they wear something well.  “I like the way you wear coloured tights.”  “You always make long dresses look so elegant.”  “Your outfits are so bright and fun.”
• DO relate the compliment back to the person.  “Blue looks wonderful on you.”

• DON’T mention people’s bodies.  Unless you are engaging in sexy-times with them, it’s not really anyone’s place to comment other people’s bodies.  Don’t say “That dress makes your waist look small/legs look long.” etc, instead just say “I love that dress on you.”
• DON’T state your “approval”.  Whether you approve of someone’s outfit or appearance is irrelevant.
• DON’T put a qualifier of time on a compliment.  You can just say “You look great!” rather than “You look great today.”
• DON’T use the “I wish I could wear… like you.” line.  Drawing comparisons between bodies is pointless.
• DON’T compare the outfit someone is wearing today to one they wore another time.  Perhaps they didn’t have the energy to put into an outfit at the other time.  Perhaps they like the other outfit better.  There’s really no need to point out that one outfit is better than another, unless someone directly asks you to compare them.  Just say you like what they have on.
• DON’T use words like “slimming” or refer to the persons shape.  Again, a simple “You look lovely.” will do the job.
• DON’T assume that an hourglass shape is superior to any other shaped body.  Firstly it’s not and while maybe the outfit they are wearing does give them an hourglass shape, they can look just as fabulous in an outfit that highlights any other shape they happen to appear.

FUCK FLATTERING!  Seriously, just fuck it.  Don’t use it, it’s shitty.

I’m sure you’ve seen it yourself, all those comments about what fat women “should” and “should not” wear, exclamations over garments not being “flattering” and that “fatties don’t want to expose their [insert body part here]“. Not to mention whenever there is a non-model shot (either a customer photo or a staff member usually), all this judgement comes out of so many commenters about their bodies, or what bits of their bodies aren’t “flattered” enough. Yet the same commenters usually whinge and complain whenever model shots ARE posted that they want to see the clothes on “real women”. Gah!

I was thinking a lot about the self hatred that so many women project on to others on these comment threads, either individually or fat women in general, and what really strikes me is that we’re never actually taught how to NOT judge people. From the minute we are born, we are taught how to judge others. Our parents and family, the media, school, our friends… everywhere we look from our earliest connections with the outside world, we’re conditioned to make judgements about people.

Sometimes judgement is useful. Sometimes it’s your subconscious giving you useful messages about situations – telling you when you are safe or not, letting you know whether someone is familiar to you or not, or generally just helping you communicate in the world, after all, up to 60% of communications are non-verbal. But when it is negative and based on arbitrary measures like someone’s body shape or size, it is actually of no use to you and is usually just deeply ingrained cultural conditioning, rather than actual learnt information.

One of the most liberating things I have ever learned is to undo that cultural conditioning and let go of judging people based on their appearance (among other things). Walking around the world without that mist of negative judgement on people’s appearances has meant that I’m not carrying that negative judgement on myself. It has also meant that I can approach life unfettered by all of that useless negativity and focus on the things that really matter, like how people behave, how they treat me and who they actually are. And in no way has it left me open or vulnerable to harm – it is something that is really unnecessary and has no real benefit to us.

It’s not easy. Every where we turn someone is telling us, particularly we fat women, what we should do, what we should wear, how we should eat, what to do with our bodies. So generally we naturally reflect that on to the world around us. It takes a definite, conscious disconnect at the beginning to undo the bombardment of messages we are hearing, to learn to filter out the garbage and focus on what is actually of use to us.

I have a few exercises I do when I find myself getting judgey in my head and I’d like to offer them up here for all of you to try and work on.

• Start by setting yourself a goal. Tell yourself you are going to try to go one month without judging anyone negatively by their appearance. If you don’t think you can do a month, try a week. If you can’t do that, try a day. If even that is a stretch, try the time you walk to work or are in a shop or any measure that you think you can work with. When you master that timeframe, expand it.
• Consciously try to find one positive thing about every single person you encounter’s outfit. Maybe they are wearing cute shoes. Or you like their earrings. Or the way they’ve styled their hair. Pick any one thing that is NOT part of their body, it only works if it is part of their outfit, and acknowledge it to yourself.
• When you’ve mastered that, pay them a compliment. Remember, you’re not to comment on their body, it has to be something they are wearing. And keep the compliment simple. Smile and say “I like your earrings.” or “Cute shoes!” Try doing this for more and more people throughout the day. Start with people you are comfortable with – friends, family, colleagues. Expand upon the number of people you compliment every day. Try it with staff in shops, or the waiter in a restaurant, someone in the lift (elevator). As often as possible, pay people compliments on things they are wearing.
• By this stage, you’re probably noticing things you like about people’s outfits more and more often. The more time you consciously spend doing this, the less time you spend passing negative judgement.
• Something else starts to happen when you do this… the people you are regularly around start to return the compliments. Usually they don’t know they’re even doing it, they just tend to reciprocate. I’ve actually discovered that I’ve unconsciously trained a huge chunk of people in my workplace to notice positive things about each other. I’ve got people whose only interaction with me is that we bump in to each other in the lift complimenting me now before I get to them. People who I would never have interacted with before now smile and say hello, and we usually trade compliments!
• You can even practice on the photos on plus-size clothing Facebook pages! Look at each photo and find something you like about the outfit. Even if it is just the colour, or the hemline, or the accessories the person is wearing.  Leave a comment saying so.  Remember, no body judgement!
• Important caveat though – you don’t have to compliment anyone who is rude to you, who you don’t like or you can’t find anything you like about them. It’s good to try, even just in your own head, but it’s not going to ruin the experiment if you just let those people go.
• If you do find yourself thinking “They shouldn’t be wearing that.” or something along those lines, ask yourself why. Is it hurting anyone? I mean REALLY hurting anyone, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that it is “offending” you because you don’t like it. Ask yourself if anything is taken away from you by someone wearing something you don’t like, or in a way you wouldn’t wear.
• When you are next out shopping for yourself, and you see something that you like but you’ve always considered it something that you “couldn’t” or “shouldn’t” wear, go try it on anyway. Grab a couple of things that you would wear and mix and match it in the fitting rooms. If you decide that you really don’t like it, put it back. But give it a try.
• Wear one thing a week in a different way to how you would usually wear it. Wear a top tucked in or with a knot in it. Wear that sleeveless top/dress without a wrap or cardie (you can take one with you if you are really worried). Pull the waist of a skirt up higher (under a top) to make it shorter. If you can’t bring yourself to be in public, at least practice at home.
• If you genuinely don’t like something on a plus-size retailer’s FB page (or similar), then say so, but try doing it without placing judgement on what other people “should” wear or on bodies.  State what you don’t like about it, acknowledge that others might like it, and tell them clearly what you would prefer.  Eg: “I really don’t like waterfall cardigans at all, even if they are popular.  It would be great to see you have a line of plain block colour cardigans with round necklines and elbow length sleeves.”  See… no commentary on anyone’s body, and constructive criticism.  Easy!

I would like to offer you all up the challenge to try the things above and see how you go. Even if you’re well seasoned at avoiding being judgemental about people’s appearances, you can still have a go. It can’t hurt and I find it makes me feel good. Not just about myself but about the people around me. Once you notice the changes that it brings, challenge other people to do it. Don’t allow people to spread their negative judgement on appearance around you.

Have a go… you may just find you like it.

I actually had another post written and ready to publish, but something else has cropped up that I would like to talk about.  On Thursday night, as part of the local Bluewater festival here on the bay, there was an event at Shorncliffe called Bayfire.  I decided to take myself along to it to have a look at the markets, get some dinner and watch the fireworks.  I wandered up there and had a look around, bought some very cute hair accessories from a small business called Princess Perfect Clips, tried Transylvanian cheese pie for dinner (verdict – rather tasty) and then watched the fireworks.

When the fireworks were finished, I decided to go and have a look at the rest of the markets.  As I was walking along the waterfront where the stalls all were, minding my own business, someone shoved something in my hands.  I looked down and it was a flyer for some ridiculous weight loss product, which was basically wrapping bits of your body in cling film.  I turned towards the woman who had stuffed it in my hand without asking me if I wanted it, and there they were, a bunch of seriously miserable looking women, all with their arms or middles wrapped in cling film.

I couldn’t believe anyone would be so rude to shove weight loss propaganda into the hands of someone who was not in any way inviting them to do so.  So I tore up the flyer very deliberately right in front of them, making sure they were all watching me, and tossed it into a bin, and walked away.  I was so pissed off.

A bit later I decided to get some dessert, and I decided to share this picture of my dessert on my social media sites (Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook) with the following caption:

Om nom nom, right?

Well, I didn’t imagine the shitstorm it would create on Tumblr.  Mostly because some people seemed to take personal offense that I wasn’t “allowing anyone to be encouraged on their weight loss goals”.

Now how my protesting some company forcing their material on to fat women (they were not shoving the flyers in the hands of men or thin people) to shame them equals “not allowing anyone to be encouraged on their weight loss goals”, I’m fucked if I know.  After all, I don’t give two fucks what other people do to their own bodies.  This has got nothing at all to do with other people’s bodily choices.  What this has to do with is the public shaming of fat women to make money.  What this has to do with is some woman wrapped in cling foil selling a phony diet product deciding that the fat woman walking past her has a body that is “unacceptable” and she can make a buck off that fat woman by flogging her snake oil product.  This is about someone selling a product assuming that as a fat woman that I must be unhappy with my body and want to spend my money on cling film to reduce it.

The other argument that people kept making is that it is “legitimate advertising” to single out fat women (again, they did not hand the flyers to men or thin people) in public and give them weight loss propaganda.

I am not sure what planet some people are living on.

To equate handing unsolicited weight loss flyers to fat people (and only fat people) to an ad on TV, in a magazine, on the radio or on the side of the street etc is fucked up.

Advertising in general is shitty, and needs to be spoken up against, but it’s not picking out an individual in a public place and physically handing them a flyer that says “Hey fat person, here’s a product you should buy to stop being a fat person because fat is gross.”  It’s not singling out someone who is minding their own business in public, to pass commentary on their body by recommending a product to reduce their body.

Imagine if I wasn’t the confident, self aware woman I am now.  To be singled out like this and handed such propaganda would have DEVASTATED me years ago.  I would have felt so upset that someone had pointed out my fatness in public and made commentary via their actions that my body was unacceptable.  How many other fat women had their night ruined on Thursday by being handed this shitty flyer while enjoying an evening out with their friends and/or family?  I don’t know about you, but most fat women I know don’t go out to a fair to find a weight loss solution, they go out to have fun and enjoy the shopping, dining and fireworks.

For some reason, it is believed by many people that weight loss peddlers actually care about us.  That they care about our happiness, our health and/or our bodies.  They don’t.  They care about obtaining our money.  They tell us our bodies are not acceptable, sell us a product that does not work, then blame us for failing, and sell us the product again, or a new product that does not work.   In Australia alone they make almost $800 million per year.  In the US, it’s $66 billion per year.  They are taking your money and laughing at you as they watch you blame yourself for their product or service failure.

Don’t stand for that shit.  Don’t let anyone dismiss what a horrible act it is to single out a fat person and try to shame them into buying a product.  Don’t let the weight loss industry brainwash you into believing that they care about you, or that they are doing anyone a public service by pushing their product on to people who never asked for it in the first place.