Auntie Heffalump’s Advice Column

Published February 9, 2010 by Fat Heffalump

One of the great things about WordPress as a blogging platform is the stats and information it gives you.  Well, that and being able to send troll commenters direct to spam so I never have to read their bullshit.  Probably the most eye opening piece of information is the search terms that people use to find your blog.  At the moment, the number one search string leading to this blog at the moment is the phrase “what will my friends think about me dating a fat woman”.

So, let’s talk about it.  Cos you know, Auntie Heffalump doesn’t mind sharing a bit of her wisdom and advice.  Are you ready?  Let’s go…

Who gives a shit about what your friends think about who you are dating?!

Because if they are truly your friends, and you honestly want to be with this woman (which you should be, or why the hell are you dating her?), they won’t give a flying fuck about what shape or size she is, they’ll care that a) you are happy and b) that she treats you well.  Because that is what is really important, and any “friend” that thinks otherwise is not really your friend.  And you shouldn’t be giving it a second thought either.

If you really like someone, let alone really love them, they will be beautiful in your eyes, regardless of what magazines and movies and people who profit from the body image misery of others say they should look like.  If you’re dating someone that you don’t feel that way about, you need to ask yourself why it is that you’re dating them.  And if you want to get some of that sweet, sweet sexy lovin’ from someone, you’d better find them beautiful and tell them so.

The same goes for your friends and your own body shape/size.  If your friends or a date are judging you on what shape/size your body is, they’re not really you’re friends.  True friends care about WHO you are, not what you look like or if you fit some kind of shallow ideal.  I say get rid of those false friends and find some decent ones who really do care about you for the right reason.  It was the best thing I ever did.

The thing is, what does someone’s physical shape/size matter if they’re a complete douchebag?  I have a relative who is considered outwardly gorgeous, blonde, pretty, thin, etc – but she’s a complete bitch who treats everyone badly, so it makes her ugly to the core.  Yet I have other friends who are fat, or have bad skin, or are hairy, or short, or a million other things that our media and marketing tell us are hideously ugly, but they’re so lovely that these “flaws” meand absolutely nothing to me.  I don’t even notice these thing most of the time, unless THEY point it out to me.  What I notice is their kindness, their intelligence, their sense of humour, their gentleness and so on.  Maybe they have something that is considered unsightly, but I notice other beautiful physical things about the people I care about.  A cute pixie face, gorgeous cheekbones, great hair, soft hands, lovely teeth, a beautiful smile.  When you truly care about someone, something as trivial as fat or acne or whatever doesn’t matter a jot.

For those of you worried about how others think of you because of your physical appearance, let those thoughts go.  Treat yourself well, look after your grooming and find a style that makes you feel good about yourself, and anyone who thinks that isn’t good enough is not worth your energy and emotion.  Put your energy and emotion in living your life to the full and being a person that you can be proud of.

There ARE lots of people out there who will love you for who you are, not some shallow measure.

16 comments on “Auntie Heffalump’s Advice Column

      • I have more.

        I have never befriended anyone specifically because they’re good looking. What a fucking waste of time. People look the way they do primarily because of genetic luck. Just because someones face isn’t symmetrical doesn’t mean they aren’t worth your time.

        I like the people I do because they’re nice, kind and thoughtful of others, they make me laugh and they’re interested in my life. These are the attributes that make someone attractive in my eyes. I’ve had friends, who lack self-confidence because they’re overweight, ask why anyone would want to be with them and my reply is pretty much “Because you’re awesome!” It’s not, “because you’re pretty!” or “because your waist-to-hip ratio is less than 0.7!”

        Who gives a crap. If you’re awesome on the inside people will tell and physical characteristics won’t matter to people who DO matter.

        Peace out, homie.

  • This was the basis for the play “Fat Pig”. A very good play, the woman is self-accepting, fat-accepting, sexy, true to herself. Any issues are all on the “boyfriend”.

  • They say love is blind, but I think true love sees clearly the interior worth of the object of affection. The outside may or may not be conventionally pretty, but a beautiful nature is always worth seeking out.

  • As usual, DAMN STRAIGHT! Right on the money and beautifully put, ”Who gives a shit about what your friends think about who you are dating?!” Precisely! It really does make me wonder how many potentially fantastic relationships never got off the ground because the guy or girl in question cared too damn much about what their friends thought. It could be that they don’t have enough confidence in themselves to be able to go against their stupid ‘friends’ and that’s a damn shame. In a perfect world we would all have friends who loved us for ourselves and didn’t give a damn as long as we were happy. Sometimes, that’s unfortunately not true, we find ourselves stuck in a circle of people who are just jackasses.
    People have insecurities, they are far from perfect, but it really should not affect who we date, appearance truly is only skin deep, so we should all look deeper. But then you already said that in far more succinct terms !

    • Thanks oh-llama-ish one!

      I think you’ve got a valid point. How many great relationships didn’t make it because one of the parties was worried about what other people thought?

  • almost at the end of the post i almost cryed at how beautiful it was , yah to bad i live in a city where appearances in relationships and even friendships matter hents the reason i don’t have any friend or a boyfriend which really hurts the most but still determine to life the life i love to live even if ur fat with no friends . but i know changeing myself won’t do better. i just hate how my looks determine my wroth and iam such a nice person but people refuse to see that .god sped love the post

    • Dear girl, your worth is NOT determined by your physical appearance – just don’t allow it! You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity and kindness – every single human being does, regardless of their body shape or size.

  • No matter what we look like, there will always be small minded people, bullies and general nasties who make themselves feel better by putting others down. Be true to yourself, take pride in yourself and good things can happen. I am living proof of this. Never will everyone accept that people are different, be it fat, thin, disfigured, short, tall…whatever. You sort the good from the bad, don’t give the bad the time of day. They are not worth your energy.
    Put that energy into loving yourself a little more. Showing that love to others. I do believe in a type of karma that way. Great post yet again. I love this blog 😀

  • Thanks Annie!

    I believe that, but so many of my fellow fatties struggle with it, and that’s why it’s my job as a confident, strong fatty to speak up for them, or at least share my experience and thump tables a bit!

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