Stuff Buzzing Around My Brain

Published December 16, 2010 by Fat Heffalump

I have got SO much burbling around in my head at the moment that I want to write about.  Some stuff I’m really passionate about that I want to devote proper some time to write about, like a post on food demonising and policing.  Other things I’m not sure I have the spoons to take up just now, such as rape apologism.  Plus a couple of subjects that I’m still processing before I put my words down anywhere, like weight loss evangelism and smugness.

And I will.  I’m recovering from a major work project that came to a head this week (we opened a beautiful, beautiful new library, I might blog about that too) and am really looking forward to a long weekend where I can spend some time writing.

But tonight, I might just share some thoughts.  Some little tidbits tumbling around my mind.

  • My Grandma really is awesome.  I was listening to the Two Whole Cakes fatcast this afternoon and Marianne and Lesley were talking about how there is often a generational gap when it comes to body issues and Marianne mentioned that she could never convince her Grandmother of the value of Fat Acceptance.  Made me realise just how rare my Grandma is for her generation.  I have broached a lot of FA topics with her, and she has always surprised me by totally getting it.  I’m so lucky that she supports me in this stuff.
  • Mean girls often don’t grow out of their bullshit.  They just go on to be mean women.  They’re happy to bully and be cruel rather than have an intelligent argument.  There is no point in engaging with them, it gives them more attention than they deserve.
  • Having cute, fashionable clothing as a fat woman is really powerful.
  • Being under stress is no excuse to behave like an arsehole.  Getting cranky or snippy under pressure is one thing, but just being an arsehole and expecting people to wear it because you’re stressed is a shitty thing to do.
  • I don’t “aim” for any level of person in relationships, either romantic or platonic.  Either people are lovely and I like them, or I’m not interested.  If I’m inviting them into my life, it’s because I feel they are special.  Not because there is any other agenda for inviting them into my life.
  • Life is too short to live without cheese.
  • Some people really can’t cope with the word “fat”.  They flinch like you’ve flicked water in their face.  The problem is theirs, not yours.
  • A cold Christmas is infinitely more pleasant than a hot one.
  • That taxi driver you were just rude to?  They just might be more educated than you are.
  • Someone can be BOTH a free speech revolutionary AND a rapist.  The two don’t necessarily cancel each other out.
  • Every accusation of rape should be properly investigated.
  • No matter how well immersed I get in Fat Acceptance and positive body image, I still have to fight every day with disordered thinking about food, exercise and my body.  But the difference is now I have the tools to win that fight.

So… those are the things that are on my mind at the moment.

What about you?  What’s on your mind at the moment?  Open thread in the comments below!

15 comments on “Stuff Buzzing Around My Brain

  • •Being under stress is no excuse to behave like an arsehole. Getting cranky or snippy under pressure is one thing, but just being an arsehole and expecting people to wear it because you’re stressed is a shitty thing to do.

    This, a hundred times. Cranky and snippy is one thing, mean and nasty is another. The first is usually excusable, the second really isn’t.

    • Oh God yes. I can be as cranky as anyone, but I’m also the first later on to say “Sorry I was such a snot earlier, it’s not about you, it’s just me venting stress.” But speaking down to someone or being nasty is just unacceptable.

  • here’s a big thought that’s been on my mind lately: Why do people (hell, people be damned, we’re talking WOMEN) have to constantly get shamed for how their body looks, but no one gets shamed for being stupid, ignorant, judgmental about things that don’t affect them, or some combination of the above?

    The other one is, WTF is with the constant calling women sluts and whores everywhere I go?! There seems to be no escape from it. It saddens me that even in the subversive circles in which I run, I see this girl-on-girl hate and to me, it seems to be cattiness brought on by jealousy of that other woman receiving more attention/men blatantly telling her she’s hot, etc.

    C’mon! Don’t they realize girl-on-girl hate is encouraged because it distracts women from REAL problems like the government taking away our reproductive rights, employers wanting to keep female employees from advancement because they think “she’ll get stupid and lose her focus once she gets baby-crazy”, and other crises that are gender-neutral like Social Security and unemployment funds running out?

    That’s what been on my mind lately.

    • I think a lot of it is “mean girls” behaviour Rachel. I high school, socially ostracising others gets you power. The women who continue to do this into adulthood have this need to try to gain that power over others, perhaps because they don’t have it elsewhere in their lives. Anyone who is confident and self assured doesn’t need to squash others to raise themselves.

  • hmmm whats on my minds:

    annoyance with a friend who (even though I’ve told her plenty of times my new FA philosophy) she is a photographerand had asked if i would like to come by and hang out with her on one of her shoots and I said no because she was shooting very thin sexy-symboly women and felt it would not be helpful to my self image recovery. I’ve given her my blog link… its not like she doesn’t KNOW that I am working for this new outlook (and I invited her) but she continues to email me and talk about her ongoing failed diet attempts of body hate. last night she only sent me this: if my body doesn’t stop sucking up every little drop of water and fat and retaining it I am going to have a revolt!! I sent back Miss Platnum’s give me the food 😀

    I dont know why she is continuing to do this. I have made it clear that that is not what I want to talk about anymore and I am moving on to something healthier but she is ignoring it. She continues blithely to forge ahead with old shit.

    I know it comes from a place where she is in deep loathing and denial. I know it comes from a place of pain, but I dont want to engage in that anymore. Im not sure what to do. W used to be best friends for quite awhile but have had some real bumps in the road the last few years and now I fear that this may be the one that truly ends it. I dont have that many friends where I live now and trust doesnt come easily for me… it would be sad to lose her.

    • Sometimes you just need to back off from friends like these for awhile for your self preservation. There is nothing wrong about you doing that, because you have to take care of YOU first. If someone can’t respect your wishes and needs, then they can’t benefit from your company!

  • Here’s what is on my mind:

    I cross-country ski. I went skiing last night it was -34 F. I have a pair of 184cm Fisher skis in which the weight range tops out at 208lbs. I weigh 228lbs and stand at 5’7″. Now, I can feel that I am not getting the glide; I’m guessing it’s because I know I’m not passing the paper test (put a piece of paper under one ski when your weight is equally distributed between the two skis, the paper should slide underneath, if weight is all on one ski, the paper should not slide underneath).

    Thinking about fatty sportsgear, this is really important for X-Country Skiing. Now if I were to have a pair that fit properly they would need to be about 220cm; not very feasible because how clunky is 220 cm? Really clunky in fact, no fun level of clunky. My 184s are clunky because I’m too short for them and I would prefer 174s but I need to like drop 60lbs. And I can forget about telemarking or skate skiing. Those skis are really narrow and weight distribution is more important. And I love skiing. So here’s my dilemma, do I go on a diet? I love me no matter what but, I love to ski, so much in fact, I’m thinking calorie restriction because I already get exercise. I have kept a food journal in the past and I do eat like 3000 calories a day. No question about my weight I know why its here.

    Hi Kelly.

    I was raised that women are not cranky and snippy or mean and nasty, and this itself is a problem. My culture has tried to dictate my emotions and created a bunch of monsters. I see this in other women as well, we go straight to mean and nasty from some kind of emotional repression. I’m working on it.


    • It sounds like they need to make better skis! Just like they need to make other decent sportsgear for fatties.

      And let me just clarify that it’s not just women who use stress to justify nastiness – I’ve been suffering it from a man of late.

  • What’s on my mind? What the heck should I post about today?! Who can I interview for my next podcast? Is it’s x-mas yet (I get a week off)?
    Your grandma is awesome!

  • @Rachel – I completely agree. I’ve participated in this sort of talk in the past, but am really mindful of changing the way I think of other women. Every time I start thinking negative thoughts about another woman, I bring myself up short and remind myself that I have no right to do that.

    @Jenna – that’s a difficult situation and I hope you manage to work out what’s best for you.

    What’s on my mind? This week, of course, it’s all about my endo. My two-week-wait is coming to an end for another month. I’ve gone from absolutely, 100% positive that *this* time we’d finally succeeded, to soul-crushing hatred of my body for letting me down, again. I still don’t know for sure (no period yet), but all the signs are flashing “FAILURE!” again.

    I *know* I shouldn’t bash myself up over this, that I should think about something else, ANYTHING other than the two-week-wait, but it’s so goddamn hard. Only 1 more month of trying until my op and we have to look at other options.

    • I guess the best thing is to acknowledge that the whole thing is there and bothering you, but try to consciously focus on other things. Learning to turn my brain off when it was going over and over and over the things that bother/worry/stress me has been one of the best skills I have ever learned!

  • Recently one of my best girl friends told me that she can’t stand to be naked even when she is by herself. That she is really uncomfortable with her body and hates how raw it feels when she is completely naked and that you can see all her flaws and there is nothing to hide behind. She seriously thinks that there is something so wrong with her body that people would see her naked body and point and laugh at her.

    I don’t know how to help her to stop thinking like this. We talked for a long time about why she thinks like this and she knows its not rational yet she still thinks like this. Now I am trying to rack my brain for ways to help her change her thinking.

    • I used to feel that way. The thing that helped me move away from those thoughts? Buying a full length mirror and placing it somewhere that I have to walk past it several times a day, both naked and clothed. I put it on the door next to my bathroom, and I literally walk past that mirror dozens of times per day, including when I go from the shower to my room to dress.

      Getting used to seeing yourself is the first major step.

      • You know thats interesting that you said that because my friend has a full length mirror on the inside of her bathroom door! So you must see herself every time she goes to the bathroom or to take a bath or to shower or whatever. I assume she also uses it to look at her outfit or whatever for the day as well if need be.

        I know she says that sleeping naked as helped her a lot but she still doesn’t feel comfortable naked in her own skin. I suggested she needs to one weekend just get naked as soon as she gets home and go about whatever she is going to do for the rest of the day naked. I am not sure if that will help or not but its worth a shot.

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