Last night I really struggled to go to sleep. I felt so angry and bullied by the afternoon/evening’s events online. I won’t link to John Birmingham’s blog post, simply because while he does give a hat tip to Fat Acceptance, he just continues the “but you’re not healthy!” rhetoric that frankly, I’m sick of hearing and sick of responding to. I will however link to a fabulous response piece over on Spilt Milk, that I think you should all go and read if you haven’t done so already. We’ll wait…
Fab piece huh?
So anyway, I went to bed really late, and just couldn’t settle. I’d had hateful tweets come my way, some nasty troll comments here on Fat Heffalump and I’d seen some of the others that my fellow fats had suffered. It does hurt, and I don’t think John Birmingham quite understands what he unleashes on us every time he carelessly throws out a bunch of assumptions about fat people. If he does understand, then he’s a fucking douchebag for not taking responsibility for his actions… but to be honest, I don’t really think he knows. Trolls and haters are cowards, they don’t do it where someone like he can see it, and if any of us report it, then we’re accused of being the ones seeking attention.
I’m laying in bed, thinking about all of the hurt and anger I saw from fellow fats yesterday, and thinking how sometimes it would be just so much easier to give up on Fat Acceptance and go back on a fucking diet, or at least shut up and pretend that I buy into the bullshit than it would be to put myself out there time and time again and get slapped with hatred time and time again.
But then I had an epiphany.
Fat haters hate fat people no matter what they do.
They hate us for being visible. They hate us for wearing clothes that show any of our bodies. They hate us for living life to the full. They hate us for speaking up and demanding respect and fairness. They hate us for eating. They hate us for being in public. They hate us if we dress fashionably or alternative. They hate us if we appear in public. They hate us if we speak out about the futility of dieting/fat shame/anything at all.
But guess what? If you buy into what fat people are “supposed” to do, then they hate us for that too.
They hate us if we diet, they hate us if we try to exercise, they hate us if we mutilate our bodies with weight loss surgery, they hate us if we use diet pills, they hate us if we dress in boxy, dark clothing, they hate us if we have eating disorders, they hate us if we shut up and sit in a corner trying to disappear.
I know they do, because they aimed that hate squarely at me when I tried to do a lot of those things that fat people are “supposed” to do. And I’m quite sure I’m not the only one.
The only thing fat haters want us to do is cease to exist. It is the only thing that would stop them from directing hate at us, not being here.
But don’t despair. There is a second part to my epiphany.
If you love yourself, you are absolutely guaranteed of one less person hating you.
No matter what we do, as fat people we’re going to draw hatred from some shitweasel* who just can’t live and let live. Some douchecanoe* who has nothing better to do with their lives than bully, hate and harass people either on the internet or in the street. I can’t imagine what kind of pathetic little life a person must live to need to do that. Hell, there are people I cannot stand on this earth, but I want to get as far away from them as possible, not spend any time anywhere near them, following them online, or harassing them etc. I don’t have enough time to read all the stuff on the internet that’s awesome, let alone stuff I don’t like.
But the best way to deal with those shitweasels and douchecanoes, is to live. Be happy. Laugh. Love and be loved. Have fun. BE. Cos it drives them fucking spare with frustration that they haven’t made you cease to be. It sticks in their craw and gets up their butt.
While you’re doing it, be kind to yourself. You’re ok, you’re not the one who spends your time harassing people online, or directing hate at people. You’re just getting on with your life.
You are worthy of your own love more than anyone else in your life.