Dear You, Volume 2.

Published May 29, 2011 by Fat Heffalump

Dear You,

Hello again.  It’s a little while since I wrote to you last, isn’t it?  I was just thinking about you.  Yes, you!  And you.  You too, over there in the corner.  I’ve been thinking about you a lot.

I want you to know something.  You’re ok, you are.  Oh I know, you’re not perfect and sometimes you feel fraudulent, like you’re only pretending to be ok, but the truth is, imperfection and “faking it” are ok too.

I want you to know, you don’t have to feel invincible all the time to be ok.  You don’t have to be permanently fabulous to make a difference to the world.  Nor do you have to be completely loving of yourself, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to be ok.  It’s ok to feel afraid, to have doubts, to be a little less than your shiny self from time to time.  It happens to all of us, and that’s ok.  The key thing is to acknowledge it, feel it and allow it to pass.  Or if you need it, it’s totally ok to ask for help.  You don’t have to change the world all on your own.

Also, don’t feel you have to perform all the time either.  There will be times where you just need to step back and BE without worrying about what you have to DO.  Anyone who expects you to be perfectly “on” all the time doesn’t really care about you – they’re caring more about themselves and their own expectations than your needs or feelings.

The thing is, self love is about so much more than just declaring “I am awesome!” and believing it.  You are awesome.  But you are also human, and part of caring for yourself is acknowledging that all humans are flawed, and cutting yourself some slack.  Forgiving yourself.  You will make mistakes, and you will be flawed, but that’s fine.  We are all flawed, we all make mistakes.  What matters is how you work through those mistakes and flaws.  The most perfect thing you can do is acknowledge them and learn from them.  But most importantly, be responsible for your mistakes.  That’s the thing that will make a difference.

Because really, it’s all about doing the best you can within whatever circumstances you’ve got in your life at any given time.  So what if someone else is able to do more, give more, be more.  That’s them, in their lives.  You have yourself, in your life, so that’s what you’ve got to work with.

But there is something I REALLY want you to know.  You are a perfectly acceptable human being right now, this minute.  You are just as valid as any other human being, without changing a single thing about yourself.  That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve yourself, or you can’t do better sometimes, it just means right now this instant, you are worthy of your own self love.  Even if it is hard to love yourself sometimes (and boy, is it!), or you’re struggling with some really difficult stuff in your life, you still deserve it.

So dearest you, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and give the best version of you that you can give, but know that even in the tough times, you are still valid, worthy and deserving of your own self love.

I love you.


18 comments on “Dear You, Volume 2.

  • Excellent! Thank you for your post. Tonight I am pondering whether it is possible to have self acceptance while not being totally happy with what that self involves.

    When you talk about growing, evolving and improving it makes me think that you have to have acceptance of yourself to be able to do those things. Acceptance first before change.

    • sarah I think acceptance is the first part of self love. I believe if you can’t accept that you will always have times that you don’t feel as fabulous as others, then you’re only going to hate on yourself when those times roll around.

      Self love, to me, doesn’t mean that you’re totally enamoured with yourself 24 x 7, but it means you accept yourself as you are at any given time, with a view to making yourself the best you, FOR you, possible.

      Put it this way, we can love others with their faults, flaws and foibles, why can’t we love ourselves that way?

  • Hi Dear Kath, nice to hear from you again. Thank you for the kind words, I will accept them and take them to heart.
    I also like your statement:

    “That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve yourself, or you can’t do better sometimes, it just means right now this instant, you are worthy of your own self love”.

    This is where I find myself right now. Well actually for some time now. Since finding the fatosphere I had felt that if I voiced my opinion of wanting to change my weight for health reasons and if I am honest for the looks, then I would be commiting a sin. I can see how I would going by their beliefs, but then I wanted to belong to this great community of people whilst also wanting support and acceptance to live in a body I feel comfortable with. Hey I think I am rambling, sorry Kath didn’t mean to carry on so.
    Anyway love your posts that make me think and allow me to express myself.


  • Yes! This is what I tell my students all the time! When you come to your mat (I’m a yoga teacher) you are who you are, you are where you are physically. You maybe flawed but the flaws are beautiful. You may be stiff, but that’s ok. It’s ok to have a bad day, just like it’s ok to have a good day. We all have them. It’s time to accept yourself as you are and begin the process of loving yourself as you are!

  • This is an awesome post and just what I needed to hear today. We are having some family over for a picnic and I’m not quite feeling like being my usual entertaining self. I’m not in a bad mood or anything, just in a somewhat quiet space – and that’s okay to feel that way. Sometimes I’m not quite up to the performance either. I’ve done it for so many years that people think there’s something wrong when I don’t do it. Maybe if I learn to switch it off a little more often, they will get used to it. For years I was under the impression that it was my job to make sure everyone within a 50 mile radius of me was happy or at least laughing about their problems. It can be quite exhausting. Whew! I’m tired. I may have just talked myself into a nap! Thanks for writing this – we all need a little reminder that we’re okay wherever we are in our process of life.

      • Let’s do! It’s nice to know there is someone out there that understands this issue. It’s really complicated when I try to analyze it – I’ve been doing it for mostly my entire life. Several issues caused it start and now it’s just such a part of me that sometimes I don’t notice it – but, other times, when people ask me what’s wrong and there isn’t anything wrong, that’s when I know I’ve been “entertaining” again!

  • Thank you very much. I really do enjoy your blog. You write well and you just seem like such a lovely person. Thank you for all you do.

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