- Angry fat bitch!
- You’re so bitter!
- You don’t care about the CAUSE, it’s all about YOU!
- OMG you’re so rude! It’s no wonder you’re hated when you’re so RUDE! I was just giving my OPINION!!
- You’ve got such a foul mouth!
- Why are you so sensitive? God, get over it! What are you, paranoid?!
- Well, you’re not getting MY support any more! Not if you can’t be nice.
- If you weren’t such a rude bitch, you wouldn’t have these troubles. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar you know.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard something along the lines of the above statements, I would have a LOT of dollars. It happens a lot. I get people turning up here, and in my other spaces online, lecturing me on how I’m supposed to behave and react and address them… in my space online.
I feel like a broken record half the time, telling people to fuck off.
But I think people need to be told to fuck off once in a while. It does us all good. Actually, if being told to fuck off on a blog or a facebook page or somewhere else online is the worst of your troubles in a day, you’re doing well I reckon! I wish the worst that happened to me in life was being told to fuck off! In fact, at any given time that I comment on someone else’s blog or other online space, I do so knowing that they have the full right to tell me to fuck off. After all, I’m in THEIR space.
There’s a reason I’m so vehement about telling people to fuck off. Two reasons really. The first is because most of the time, in everyday life, we can’t just tell people to fuck off. Because people are so threatened by two words “fuck off” they’re likely to resort to violence, or ACTUAL bullying tactics.
Incidentally don’t let anyone convince you that telling someone to fuck off is bullying. It’s clear, it gets the message across, it’s not hidden away from witnesses like actual bullying is. It doesn’t denigrate someone or cause them any harm. It is simply a succinct, profane instruction. Fuck off out of my life. As much as so many people want to clutch their pearls and carry on like they’ve been slandered or wounded or some other great harm, fuck off does nobody any actual harm.
The second is that unless we stand up and stand solid in our own little corners of the internet, then we just get silenced again. And again and again and again. We fat folk are constantly told that we have to play by society’s rules. We have to put up with so much shit in this world. From hearing that we’re sub-human, worthless and inferior, through to being the subject of hate, derision and scorn, and right through to physical harm – be it passive (diets, weight loss surgery, dismissal of our health needs, an environment that we have to painfully squeeze our bodies in to) or aggressive (actual physical assault and harassment). Every day we are subjected to being policed for every aspect of our behaviour – from the mere space we take up through to what we eat and what we wear and what we do with our bodies.
So when we do carve out a little space, a tiny corner of the vast universe of the internet, then we have EVERY right to set up boundaries in that space and not tolerate anyone who tries to police us within those boundaries. I have to sit through people telling me I don’t have the right to agency over my own life and body every single day, I’ll be damned I’m going to sit quietly while people do it in my tiny spaces online.
Actually I just thought of a third reason. So that I can hopefully give you folk, even if it’s only one of you, the strength to tell someone to fuck off when they’re behaving in a manner that is unacceptable to you. If I give just one of you some strength when you’re feeling like the whole world is just pushing you down at every opportunity, then it is worth it.
You bet I’m angry. You bet I’m going to get hot headed and loud about it. It’s WRONG and unless those of us who can speak up DO speak up, it’s never going to change.
I’m under no illusion that I’m “nice” or “sweet” or even “popular”. I don’t want to be nice, or sweet or popular. There are no “true colours” waiting to be exposed – I’m angry, I swear a lot and I have little tolerance for bullshit. I want to be the thorn in people’s side when they’re behaving in a way that is unacceptable. I want to be that painful bit of sand that irritates the oyster of the world and creates change. So what if people hate me for it – people hate me already just for living in a fat body, they hated me even when I was a brown mouse fatty too scared to say anything to anyone. I’m used to being hated.
I’m tired of playing nice with people. Nobody plays nice with we fat folk. We are forced to justify our existence time and time again, we are dismissed, dehumanised, derided and denied. We are treated as though we are inferior, and we are vilified as monsters at every turn. So I feel no obligation to be “polite” with people who turn up in my online spaces under the guise of “disagreeing” or “freedom of opinion” with our rights to live our lives on equal footing with any other human being. Nobody gets to debate fat people’s right to fair treatment in the world. NOBODY.
I’m not here to convince fat haters, not-fat people looking for superiority and “skeptics” of fat activism that fat people deserve to be treated as human beings. They’re never truly going to be convinced anyway, and they waste all of our time putting caveats on that, on the condition that we “play nice”. The minute they disagree with us or we stand up to them, they turn that hate back on to us all over again. Don’t be afraid that you’ll “lose their support”… if they’re that easily turned away, we never had their support to start with. And NOBODY is that important that their withdrawing their support is going to end the fat activism movement. And I believe if you connect with ONE person properly that it’s worth far more than suppressing your voice to make a thousand people happy.
I’m here for my own sanity, my own voice but most importantly my fellow fatties, who are told everywhere else in the world that they are inferior. I’m here for you my beloved fat community. I’m here to show you that you don’t have to stand for shitty treatment and that you are valuable, that you are worthy, that you are equal human beings to anyone else.
I have no interest in catching flies with honey or vinegar. We all know flies eat shit anyway – I’m here with a can of Fuck Off, to repel those flies from this one little corner of the internet.
I wish I was as brave as you! When people comment about my weight, I tend to get embarrassed and not know what to say. Just last week a taxi driver asked out of nowhere, if I was doing anything about my weight! I mean what the fuck, right? I wish I had told him to fuck off.
I wasn’t always this brave (or should I say lacking in give-a-fuck’s!) but I learned it from other fierce fatties I have encountered over the years. The greatest thing that ever happened to me was to find my fat community!
If people want me to be nice, then they should be nice to me. I try to default to nice, but some people take nice and treat it like a doormat – been there, done that, got the footprints…
What I find amusing is when I switch from nice to fuck off people get really upset and tell me I don’t have to be like that and then I get to explain to them (in a very condescending manner if I’m grumpy) why I went from nice to fuck off and how exactly they deserve it and why they should get out of my face. This makes me a bad person apparently. I can totally understand why skipping the nice part makes sense, for most people it’s not worth the trouble to go through the nice step when people really don’t listen or appreciate the effort.
Thankfully I’m not much of a public figure, so when I have to deal with people like this it’s usually people who might actually listen so it is worth my time being nice to start with (doesn’t stop me being snarky).
Most of the people who don’t agree with you on the internet don’t care about your actual arguments, they just want to make themselves feel important, otherwise they’d actually listen to what is being said and try to understand your point of view and come up with proper arguments instead of just getting insulting.
There are lots of people out there who can and will take the time to be nice, but to expect every person to do so is ridiculous. If people want niceness they should set up their own space, if they want an authentic response from an unapologetic woman living her life then they might be able to deal here.
I think you are bang on there Pyctsi, most people who want to “disagree” on the internet actually don’t care about the argument, they just want to one up themselves. Nothing shits me more than people who are rude to me and then get angry that I don’t react with sweetness and nice. Fuck that!
This is awesome. I completely support you in this.
you rock !!!
Hell yeah! This is exactly the attitude our community needs. And no, we don’t owe people with their “innocent” opinions any damned respect when they come make negative implications through their “Self-love is great BUT” bullshit. They’re as deserving of a “fuck off” as a blatant fat hater. Your space. And many of us hang around it because you say FUCK OFF!
Oh yeah, it’s all “innocent” when it’s coming from them, but tell ’em to back off and they act like you just shat in their handbag.
How “innocent” is asking someone to justify their right to exist?
It’s like I tell the prolife/antichoice trolls on Twitter; I tend to get angry when my rights to bodily autonomy and privacy are attacked. Don’t like my tone? DON’T ATTACK ME. Fuck off. Fat people are right to be pissed at the way we’re treated all the damn time.
“I have no interest in catching flies with honey or vinegar. We all know flies eat shit anyway – I’m here with a can of Fuck Off, to repel those flies from this one little corner of the internet.”
Also remember, the level of reaction is a measure of how much impact you’re making.
This is true bodycrimes
A thousand thank-you’s for wielding your can of Fuck-Off with fearlessness!!
Wish I’d had a ‘fuck off’ attitude much earlier in my life. It is appropriate any time someone tries to tell you what to do/think/behave etc.
People who get upset by it are jackasses who don’t care about you anyway. Or if they do actually care, they have so many problems their method of caring is harmful.
lsstrout – I wish I’d found my own fuck off vibe earlier in life too. It would have made life a whole lot easier, earlier.
“Flies eat shit anyway” is going to be a new mantra for me for quite some time.
Well it’s true CasualPahoehoe!
Yep. Just told a close friend who was trying to shame me into having bariatric surgery (coated with all the usual ‘we all love you and want you to live a long time’ crap) to Fuck Off. I try to give plenty of warning when people are heading down that road – big signs out, people waving – ‘STOP’, ‘WRONG WAY!’, ‘NO EXIT!!’………but alas…….
It’s amazing how willfully ignorant people can be Duckie, isn’t it. Keep strong.
I’ve had people ask me how I can be “so mean” when I tell someone off or express my anger or disappointment. I tell them, how else will this person know that their behavior is unacceptable if everyone just accommodates them? And even if they are aware that their behavior may not be the best, after I tell them off they may think twice before spouting off to someone else (possibly saving someone else some pain). I had a boss for a short period of time that was a bully. He wasn’t mean to me though, because he knew I detested him and his actions, and would tell him to fuck off if he was a jerk to me. The “nice” people he treated horribly. “Nice” and “sweet” don’t stop bullies or hateful people, neither does tolerance, “gentle explanations” or “learning moments”. They just need to be told to fuck off, and I love that you aren’t afraid to do it.
I know Beth, how mean of us to stand up for ourselves when people are behaving shitty towards us!
You go!! One of our warriors. Thanks.
Amen! If they don’t want you to be mean to them, then they sure as hell shouldn’t be starting shit now, should they? But some ppl have to be smacked upside the head a few times to get it thru their thick skulls. I mean, how ironic is it when the same imbeciles who think nothing of coming on here to trample on others’ feelings cry like babies when they get a taste of their own medicine. Priceless! Now I wish you’d forward a copy of this to NAAFA so they won’t change their name to try to make other ppl ‘happy’!
DizzyD I have heard about NAAFA proposing a name change, but I’ve never really aligned with them myself. I believe their brief is very “fat activism lite” which isn’t good enough for me. I want to fuck some shit up, not ask nicely to be treated like a human being.
NAAFA stands for National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, in case you didn’t know. : )
In my experience it’s the people like you – the ones who enforce their own boundaries and don’t tolerate shit-kicking from others – that are actually the sweetest. Your anger isn’t destructive or filled with hate, it’s based in a desire to see yourself and other people treated as human beings. To me, you feel like the kind of person who swoops in when someone they love is having a bad day and does all they can to make that person feel better. You’re there with kind words and icecream and a righteous anger on their behalf. You give us the courage to think of ourselves as deserving of the same amount of kindness and respect as others. You show us that we are allowed to remove toxic people from our lives and our spaces. I fully support your right to tell people to fuck right off when they need it.
Ahh Fox, you are very sweet. I am very protective of the people I love, but that group is small and important because I have no tolerance for bullshit. I would rather one solid, decent friend than a thousand acquaintances that I have to tolerate bullshit from.
You do deserve kindness and respect. You do deserve your place in the world. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you don’t.
Sleepydumpling – Amen!
“I have a can of fuck off and I mean to use it” – needs to be on a t-shirt!!!! before I read your blog I had no idea fat activism existed you are my hero.
Ha! Maybe I should get on CafePress and make that happen M Fraser!
Love it! I’ve recently entered into a ‘fat positive’ frame of mind, and I made a blog post about it: http://www.thegeekmemoirs.com/what-is-fat-positive/ I would love to hear your opinions on it 🙂 x
Welcome to the fatosphere Rachel. It’s always a good thing to see people dip their toe in the waters of fat activism, whatever method they take.
And this is precisely why I am now one of your followers. Like Bette Midler said, “Fuck em if they can’t take a joke” – or in this case, the truth. Rock on!
Actually I disagree with Midler’s sentiment. Sometimes things aren’t a joke, and nobody is under any obligation to “take a joke”.
Your clubhouse your rules, keep up the good fight. I for admire your attitude, no hate here.😁
Thank you for what you do 🙂 I’m a ‘brown mouse’ who is working on being braver, and I appreciate you essentially standing up for those who can’t (yet).
Also, haven’t we all come across those people who have crappy habits and wondered how they got to their age without somebody telling them to knock that shit off? Maybe society needs that hero who is fine with telling someone that it’s not ok to stand so close to someone’s face when talking to them; or that asking a stranger about her ‘pregnancy’ is a bad idea unless there is currently a baby exiting her nethers. Honestly, I wonder if some people really don’t realise that their faux concern for the poor fatties is bullshit because it’s constantly being reinforced for them by obesity epidemic crap on the tv and news websites. Until someone is brave enough to tell them otherwise (or just to fuck off), then they’re going to continue on, thinking that what they’re doing is acceptable.
You know Sarah, the faux concern is what makes me angriest of all! I just told someone on my Facebook page to fuck off over that shit, just now!
Fox Riley, couldn’t have said it better myself! And Sarah, from one “brown mouse” to another, I hear ya.
A BRILLIANT Post, GOOD for you. 🙂 ).
I wouldn’t take any Shit from anybody if they threw it at me either.
So what if you take an ‘It’s all about you’ stance on an issue?, MORE & MORE people are doing that nowadays anyway.
Like you say, this is YOUR ‘space’ online, You say what YOU want. It’s YOU that decides what the rules will be.
Personally, I know a lot of people in ‘real life’, who SHOULD be told to ‘Fuck Off’ AT LEAST once AN HOUR lol. :).
What you say in connection with us ‘Fat Folk’, (Yes I am one myself), is DAMN RIGHT. Furthermore, I am also a Wheelchair User, so I ‘get it double’. 😦 :(.
I don’t blame you AT ALL for being ‘angry’, ‘hot – headed’ or ‘loud’ either, I would be JUST the same myself.
I myself get angry from time to time, & once I am ‘roused’ I just CANNOT STOP swearing. One SLIGHT difference between us though, I won’t stand for ANY bullshit, ESPECIALLY if I feel angry at the particular time.
As I said earlier, GOOD FOR YOU for taking the stand that you are taking.
I, as a fellow ‘fatty’, AM WITH YOU, ALL OF THE WAY. 🙂
*high five* Kevin!
“When I was a brown mouse fatty, they still hated me”.
THIS. well said. I agree. At least now that I stand up for myself, *I* feel better. also, I have no illusion I am nice or popular either. in a world where we are constantly treated like shit, it’s pretty damn impossible to be these things…UNLESS you spend all of your time kissing the ass of people who say shitty things…and often not even then.