Why hello!
I’ve got up this morning to an absolute storm of attention. My inbox is going off quicker than I can keep up with the mail. All because of this article by Jasmin Lill on news.com.au:
Brisbane blogger speaks out against online bullies.
I’m really impressed by Jasmin’s piece, and was really blown away by how well she had considered things from my point of view when she interviewed me.
Quite predictably, the article has drawn me both good and bad attention. I’m really happy to see that some new faces are popping up here and on my FB page, and to those who have already reached out to me, I will get back to responding to you all over the weekend.
However, of course, being a fat woman who DARES to expect that she be treated with a basic modicum of decency, and speaks out publicly about the bullying she has received, I am now getting some really pissed off people targeting me again. I broke the rules, I spoke about the reality of being fat and how much hate it draws you.
I’m not even going to dignify the full on hate messages – instead I’m going to be handing them, their IP addresses and other identifying details over to the various journalists who have contacted me this morning.
But there are also those who are less blatant making excuses and blaming me for the hatred I receive (as if I’m the only fat woman who is bullied online and in public).
So here are a few little points to note.
- Nobody deserves to be threatened, told to kill themselves or harassed. Not even if you think they are rude, or swear, or are opinionated or argumentative. Or fat/ugly.
- My telling someone to “fuck off” on my own blog is not “giving as good as she gets” as someone threatening to kill or rape me, or stalking me, harassing me at work or using my identity fraudulently. Even if you think I’m rude or foul mouthed – I still don’t deserve death/rape threats and harassment. They are not equivalents.
- If you’ve come here to lecture me to “be polite” to people who disagree with me, you’re wasting your breath. This is my space, the rules are clear and I get to be whoever I need to be in my own online space. I promise I won’t come to your space and be impolite, lecture you or threaten you. I’m too busy to waste my time harassing other people in their corners of the internet.
- If you don’t understand a concept on this blog, don’t argue about it, go Google it and educate yourself. Much smarter people than me have already spoken about every single concept I talk about here many times before, I’m not making this stuff up myself. I’m just spreading the wisdom.
I hope this clarifies things, and saves me answering the same questions over and over and over for people who comment about any of the four things above.
Otherwise, welcome, I love to get to know new people and I promise, it’s not always easy but if you stick around you’ll feel a WHOLE lot better about yourself as time progresses.
Fat Heffalump 
Thank you. Keep up the excellent work.
🙂
Thank YOU controlledcurves.
I don’t think you need me to tell you what a cool lady you are. Keep being an amazing person, those other people have deep issues in their own lives and try to keep others down to make themselves feel more important.
Thank you Amy. I’m always astonished that anyone thinks I’m cool – I’ve was the least cool kid in school, and I still feel like that… only now I don’t care whether I’m cool or not. I’m just me!
Don’t let the haters bother you. They do not know you well enough to write their nasty comments. I am a plus size woman who loves my size 18 body and we need to let the world know that just because we are fat/overweight/ etc. that we are no less human than they are. We deserve to be treated with dignity.
I think it’s OK for us to let them bother us Crystal. Maybe not beat us, but it’s OK for us to be pissed off that they’re doing what they are doing with seemingly no repercussions. Until we start demanding that they take responsibility for their actions, it’s never going to change. But I get what you mean. 🙂
Hi Kath, Great article by Jasmine. Stay positive and true to yourself. Haters going to hate, generally because they are jealous of other peoples happiness and scared of their own insecurities.
More power to you.
Thanks Michael, the haters can keep drinking their foul haterade!
Love your blog, you are a big beautiful woman!! Could you imagine how miserable the world would be if we were all skinny lol. To all the haters go get a life.
Thanks Terri – more importantly I’m a big, intelligent, funny, honest, hard working woman. Beautiful is nice but it’s not really important to me.
I’ve just read your article on news.com.au and had to come follow you. Thank you for bringing your special kind of brightness to the world. Those making negative comments should take a good look at what they are contributing to society. Keep talking about what you believe in and people will listen!
Thank you Dash-of-Ash! This is why I take the risk of doing mainstream media pieces like this… sometimes the risk pays off and brings the right people my way. Bless Jasmin Lill for such an awesome piece of journalism.
I just heard about you because my friend posted a facebook link to the Courier-Mail article. I just wanted to let you know that plenty of people like you and plenty more would like you if they knew what you were doing.
Bullies seem more plentiful than sane people, but I believe that’s an illusion. Sometimes we don’t tell people we work alongside or are friends with (or are random strangers who write blogs) that we appreciate them. We do it silently. And maybe it would be unwieldly sometimes to not do it silently, for both the praiser and the praised.
I have a friend who is an activist along with me, who I think it absolutely incredible. But I think she’s the sort of person who is more impressed by inspiring someone else to stand up and devote themselves to something than to receive verbal praise, so I don’t tell her that a lot. I think that sort of thing happens a lot. We don’t tell people how we really feel about them because we don’t want to seem gushing, or like an obsessed fan, or like we’re missing the point by seeming to value words over actions.
But sometimes words are important.
Bullies, especially internet bullies, are outcasts. People bully online because it’s anonymous, because they know that if they do it publically, they’ll be branded as fools and lose the respect of their friends and families. I know that if someone I knew treated a person the way you have been treated, I would look down on them. I would probably just quietly stop inviting them to things, stop talking to them, just go out and make new friends. Who wants to be anywhere near someone like that?
They know this. They know that they’re not liked. I believe they’re a minority, who due to quirks of technology can make themselves seem louder than they really are. Most people find them disgusting, and find people like you inspiring. We just don’t pipe up about it as much.
So what I wanted to say was that for every message the trolls send you, there are tonnes more thinking, “I don’t know whats wrong with my loser friend who spends all their time online”, “Gee, Bob seems so stressed out by something so inoffensive, I think he has a problem”, “Gee, that guys just sort of nasty and mean-spirited online, even though they seem so nice in real life. I don’t know what they’re problem is, I think I’ll just block them on facebook so I dont have to see their posts and they won’t know it”.
Conversely, for every positive message you recieve there are tonnes more who think “good on her” without saying it, tonnes more who think “Oh geez, thats what my wife/daughter/mother has to put up with?”, tonnes more who think “Oh wow, thats what I have to put up with every day and nobody says anything about it, but look, now someone is”.
David, you’re spot on. No happy, emotionally-healthy person bullies others. I do know that. That is some cold comfort though to those of us who are targeted relentlessly by that hate. Yup, I remind myself ALL the time that the problem does not lie with me – I’m not the broken one in the equation of bullying and hate – the bully/hater is. But it doesn’t make my life any easier when they just keep coming. It doesn’t fix the problem of them harassing my employer, or sending me threats, or sending my details to businesses.
That’s why I keep talking publicly about this. Because THAT is the only way it is going to improve in the world for me, and women like me. By letting other women who are bullied online know that they are not alone. By bringing all those horrors out to the light, if just one person turns to the bully and says “Don’t be such a dick, I don’t want anything to do with you if you think it’s OK to treat people like this – and that bully pulls their head in and behaves like a decent human being, it’s worth it. If by talking about my experiences causes ONE jerk to pause and rethink before they press “send”… it’s worth it. If getting my mug in the paper makes ONE other woman feel like she is not alone and feel a little bit stronger, it’s worth it.
But you help too. You help with your support. You help with your taking the time to comment and share your experiences. That’s what is powerful… together we are all making a difference. I think that’s the power here.
Bless!
…Love the article! Keep up the good work.
Thanks Rhonda.
Love your responses, especially #2 and #3.
I agree David. I think good people far out number the haters. Bullying is despicable particulalry in this day and age when we clearly know the harmful effects it can have on the victims. Good on you Kath !
Thanks Mary Anne.
Thank you for putting yourself out there!
Thank you for always sticking by me.
You are amazing Kath. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and you linked me into some other fantastic (or should I say fattastic) blogs. Don’t let the bullies get you down – remember there are people like me who think what you are doing is terrific!
All the very best. Ignore haters, bullies etc..these are mindless people projecting their own insecurities on others.
Bravo, Kath. At 60 yrs old, I wish I had discovered many years ago the attitude that I have now. You are way ahead and for that, you will have a much happier, longer existence. Though I was a hard worker, happy wife, loving daughter, good mother and ethical-moral citizen, I was really “bad” to myself. That is over now and I wake up each day with a huge relief that I am happy.
I am getting there too Brady, am 56 and starting to feel much more at ease in my own skin and finally like who I am and how I look…warts, (fat, cellulite, wrinkles) and all. I wish I could have been in this head space in my 30’s and 40’s but at the same time realise that probably for most people this is a process influenced by age, experience and emotional maturity rather than an attitude that you are born with. Plus we all carry crap that affects our psyche so the journey and learnings are unique to each individual. And that also comes with a responsibility I believe to speak up about important matters such as this and support people like Kath who have a right to be themselves and to speak up and out.