I Can’t Say it Any Better…

Beautifully simple piece by xkcd.  So many people do not understand the concept of free speech.  Sometimes, you don’t get to march into a space and say whatever you like.

This is very important in fat activism community, regardless of the form it takes.  The rules may vary from space to space, but the owner of the space gets to decide what is hosted in that space, and what is not.  There is a whole internet out there for people to say what they like, they can create their own space or go to spaces that are open to their opinion.

But as a general rule, in fat activist spaces, steer clear, unless explicitly stated that it is ok, from the following topics:

• diets
• intentional weight loss/weight loss proselytising
• moralising food (look for descriptors like good, bad, sinful, junk, healthy, clean, wholesome, naughty etc)
• suggesting health is mandatory or anyone’s business but a person themselves.
• “the last acceptable prejudice” (it’s not)
• suggestions of “real women are/have…”
• the “O” words – obese, overweight.
• twee euphemisms for fat like curvy/big/chubby/voluptuous etc.  If the host refers to themselves as fat, you should too. (unless describing yourself, it is understandable that not everyone is comfortable with referring to themselves as fat.)
• justifying your body/food choices/physical activity
• suggesting the author should “just ignore them” or questioning their perception.  Trust people to know how they feel and how they read a situation.
• Confusing YOUR experiences for those had by the author.

That doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with someone.  I think a lot of people don’t know how to disagree with people without being a jerk about it.  If you’re in someone else’s space, remember your “I/Me/My” statements.  Don’t march in and say “You’re wrong/full of shit/you suck.” because then you’re being an asshole.  It doesn’t hurt to say “I disagree because I feel/believe…” or “It has been my experience that…”  Or you can go and disagree in YOUR space, where you can say whatever you damn well like.

Generally it’s just a good idea when you’re on someone else’s website/blog/social media page to remember that you’re on their turf.  That’s their house online.  I don’t go marching onto your turf and start lecturing you, I’m as sure as shit not going to take anyone coming in to mine to do that.  If I go to your space online, I am going to follow your rules.  If I don’t like them, then I will make the decision to leave and not come back.  I’m not going to hang around and be an arsehole.

It’s important to remember that while you are entitled to your opinion, you’re not entitled to that opinion with out responsibility and repercussions for your behaviour.

I Want to Break Free

I came to a realisation last night.  Thanks to discussions on Twitter and Facebook, I realised that I no longer consider myself aligned to either fat acceptance or body acceptance.

Don’t be too alarmed, I’m still the same rad fat feminist I was before yesterday, I’m not about to start pushing diets and fat hate at you and change the direction of this blog.  I’m still a fat activist, and a proud one at that.  I just no longer wish to be aligned with the concepts of fat acceptance or body acceptance.

The epiphany was twofold.  Firstly, I came to the realisation that I have a problem with the concept of mere acceptance of fat people.  I think we deserve more than to be merely accepted into society.  We should be valued members of society, not merely accepted ones.  In the discussion we had on Twitter, someone mentioned that in some queer communities, the word “tolerance” is considered the weakest form of homophobia, and suggested that in fat communities, perhaps “acceptance” is the weakest form of fat phobia.

I tend to agree.  I think acceptance implies a begrudging kind of acknowledgement that we exist.  It says to me “Yes, ok, fat people exist, I accept that.” and no more.  I think as activists for fat rights, we need to demand more than that.  We need to realise that just being acknowledged as existing is not meeting our rights as human beings.

It is my belief that we more than simply exist on this planet.  We have value.  We contribute.  We are as worthy of our place on the planet as any other human being.  Fat people are as precious and worthy as any other human being.  We are not damaged goods that need repair.  Nor are we “too big” and need to be made smaller to “fit in”.  The world is big enough for all of us, from the very largest person down to the tiniest.  We are not vermin to be eradicated, diseases to be cured or crimes to be prevented.  We are people who hold as much value as any other human being on the planet.

The word “acceptance” makes me feel like I have to compromise my value, because as a fat person I am devalued.  And I want no part of that.

The second reason I realised that I no longer identify with fat/body acceptance are the constant calls for us to accommodate reductionism.  By reductionism, I mean the practice of forcing ones body to lose weight.  I’m not referring to the incidental weight loss that comes due to illness, environmental change or through the changes ones body goes through with age.  I’m referring to reductive weight loss – diets (including diet products, diet foods, diet camps or clubs, diet books or any other tools of dieting), “lifestyle changes”, medications, appetite suppressants, weight loss gadgets, weight loss companies, “medical interventions” and surgical procedures.  This also includes eating and exercise disorders.

Every time I speak out against any of these damaging practices (many of which I partook in myself in my past), someone crops up and says “But what if people choose/chose to do these things, is there space for them in fat acceptance?”  My answer is usually “yes”, with the caveat that they not promote or advocate these practices in FA spaces.  Of course, then comes the argument that I am somehow “excluding” or “silencing” them because they’re fat people too and they deserve to be heard.

However, this to me, is a derailment – in that the whole world is a space for diet promotion and weight loss advocacy.  Reductionism is the dominant paradigm – and FA should not have to “make space” for something that already takes up ALL of the space.  I had believed fat/body acceptance to be about breaking down dominant paradigms and being a space where fat people could have some respite from that constant harassment to lose weight, but more and more often I feel that I’m being pushed into being accommodating to a world that has refused to accommodate me.  I want no part of that either.

Some will call this absolutist, some will label it “militant”.  Others will suggest that “it’s not black and white, there are shades of grey”.  No.  Not in my fight there is not.  Perhaps there is in your fight, perhaps there is in fat/body acceptance.  There is no grey of “acceptable” weight reductionism for me.  You get the rest of the world to celebrate/promote/advocate/have pride in your weight loss agenda.  I get this tiny space to say no, and to make clear my stance on forced weight loss.  One only has to look at just how vast the chasm is between the amount of Google mentions/information on the terms “weight loss” and “fat acceptance” to see how loud the voice is for weight loss, and how fat acceptance is a mere whisper against that tide.  Try doing the same for “weight loss” and terms like fat liberation, anti-diet, fat pride – the latter terms don’t even register.  How dare anyone suggest we have to “make room” for weight loss talk?

I know we talk a lot about body autonomy in fat/body acceptance, but I feel that there is rarely a voice that declares that they are against reductionism that isn’t shouted down by how we “must be accommodating” to the dominant paradigm, which in doing so immediately removes my body autonomy.  To me, if Fat/Body Acceptance must be a space that includes the dominant paradigm, then now is the time for me to distance myself from it.  I want more than to have to be accommodating to people who already have the lion’s share of the space in the world.  I want to be able to completely and utterly reject reductionism from my life.  If I cannot do that within Fat Acceptance, then I am happy to walk away from it.

Part of me felt bereft at this realisation.   I felt a sense of loss in discovering that there is yet another space that I cannot find respite from the dominant paradigm around fatness.  But then I remembered the Fat Liberation Manifesto, authored almost 40 years ago by Judy Freespirit and Aldebaran as part of The Fat Underground, and I found solace.  This manifesto sums up exactly how I feel about my fat activism and what I want from the world with regard to how fat people are treated.

I want liberation from the dominant paradigm, not to “make room” for it.  Somewhere I heard the saying “We don’t want a piece of the pie, we want a new pie.” which is a brilliant way to express it.

So I share the Fat Liberation Manifesto with you all here, and I honour the foremothers/sisters of The Fat Underground for paving the way for me to claim my own liberation.

FAT LIBERATION MANIFESTO

1. WE believe that fat people are fully entitled to human respect and recognition.

2. WE are angry at mistreatment by commercial and sexist interests. These have exploited our bodies as objects of ridicule, thereby creating an immensely profitable market selling the false promise of avoidance of, or relief from, that ridicule.

3. WE see our struggle as allied with the struggles of other oppressed groups against classism, racism, sexism, ageism, financial exploitation, imperialism and the like.

4. WE demand equal rights for fat people in all aspects of life, as promised in the Constitution of the United States. We demand equal access to goods and services in the public domain, and an end to discrimination against us in the areas of employment, education, public facilities and health services.

5. WE single out as our special enemies the so-called “reducing” industries. These include diet clubs, reducing salons, fat farms, diet doctors, diet books, diet foods and food supplements, surgical procedures, appetite suppressants, drugs and gadgetry such as wraps and “reducing machines”.

WE demand that they take responsibility for their false claims, acknowledge that their products are harmful to the public health, and publish long-term studies proving any statistical efficacy of their products. We make this demand knowing that over 99% of all weight loss programs, when evaluated over a five-year period, fail utterly, and also knowing the extreme proven harmfulness of frequent large changes in weight.

6. WE repudiate the mystified “science” which falsely claims that we are unfit. It has both caused and upheld discrimination against us, in collusion with the financial interests of insurance companies, the fashion and garment industries, reducing industries, the food and drug industries, and the medical and psychiatric establishment.

7. WE refuse to be subjugated to the interests of our enemies. We fully intend to reclaim power over our bodies and our lives. We commit ourselves to pursue these goals together.

FAT PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, UNITE! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE ….

By Judy Freespirit and Aldebaran
November, 1973
Copyright The Fat Underground

(Unfortunately I was unable to find anywhere I could link back to for The Fat Liberation Manifesto, but if someone knows of one please let me know and I will amend this post.)

It’s OK to be “Weird”

The universe is trying to tell me something.

Over the past few days, I’ve had a few little stings at my self esteem, some a bit bigger, particularly when it comes to my core beliefs.  I’ve had a few reminders that the fatosphere and feminism circles I choose to surround myself with are not how a lot of people think and behave.

From the “friend” who told me I “aim too high” when it comes to men (she’d seen my Crush) to the moment I pissed off a colleague by pulling him up for repeatedly and erroneously telling people that I could be “bribed by chocolate” by saying “Actually chocolate isn’t that important to me, but I know how you could assume that by my being a fat woman and all.”  From being told to “cheer up” when I was taking a quiet moment out after a stressful morning to gather my thoughts and recharge my batteries to a friend taking offense when I declined to play one of the traditional “girly” games about men.  I just seem to be getting constant reminders that the values that I hold dear, and that in a lot of ways, I’m outside of the norm.  That I’m considered “political” (despite the fact that I couldn’t give a shit about politics per se) or just “weird”.

Whenever that happens, I find myself rethinking why I do what I do, why I am who I am, and why the the way I think and behave seem so radical to so many other people.  Sometimes the old self esteem takes a bit of a battering (it has this week) and sometimes it makes me question a lot of my core values.  Which is not a bad thing, but sometimes I feel it sets me back in growing and learning, because I have to go back over old ground, you know?

But the thing is, as my therapist is fond of reminding me, not everyone unpacks how and what they think.  Not everyone asks questions about the world around them.  Not everyone believes that there is always growing and changing that can be done.  However, just because many people don’t do it, doesn’t mean those of us who can and do should ever feel like we’re weird for doing so.

What I want to do is to reach out to those of you who have felt this way, and let you know that you’re not alone.  And by doing so, I remind myself that my “weirdness” amongst general folk isn’t unique to me, but that there are plenty of people out there who want to evolve and question and challenge.

It’s ok to challenge people’s thinking (respectfully of course).  After all, if someone hadn’t challenged our thinking along the line somewhere, wouldn’t we still be plodding along with the masses?

It’s ok to be different.  You don’t have to apologise for not following the same thought patterns and processes as everyone else.

Just because “Everybody knows/thinks/believes/does” doesn’t mean you have to as well.  Everybody thought the earth was flat once.

It’s ok to be different.  Just because “society” says that you should look a certain way, or behave a certain way, because you’re a woman or you’re of a particular age, or because you’re fat, doesn’t mean you have to.  Social rules are not the law.

It’s ok to disengage if you need to.  If someone isn’t responding with respect, or you feel that they’re never going to get the message you’re trying to impart, you can disengage.  That isn’t admitting defeat, it’s letting go of a pointless argument.  Sometimes you just have better things to do with your time.

It’s ok to process.  If you need time to think about something, or sort out how you feel, or just recharge your batteries, then take it, and don’t let anyone tell you to “cheer up” or suggest you’re sulking.  Even if you do what I do – find a quiet corner somewhere, (I’ve even used the ladies room for this if I had nowhere else) and take some time out.  You can do that.

You don’t have to tolerate shitty behaviour from someone because they are your friend or family.  If someone doesn’t treat you with respect and dignity, you’re well within your rights to walk away from them.  Literally and figuratively.

And most of all, find the people who do support you, who hold the same values and behave in a way that you admire and surround yourself with them.  They are the ones who will get you through the tough times, who will celebrate the most when you are happy and encourage you in your endeavors.  If you need to step back inside the bubble for awhile to soak up the wisdom and fabulousness of the people who inspire and amaze you, do it.  It’s good for you.

Celebrating the Community

I’ve had a few intense days with work, but as far as I know it all paid off this morning with the opening of our relocated library at Carindale.  My entire body is still stiff and sore from the mammoth effort I put in over the past three days, but I know it will pass.

Because I’ve been quieter than usual online for a few days, several people from the Fatosphere have taken the time to check in on me, just to give a wee nudge and make sure that I’m still about and ok, which was absolutely lovely.

In the spirit of focusing on the positive this month (and the month is almost over, eep!) I really want to talk about where the true strength of fat acceptance is, and that’s in it’s community.

Earlier this week I was listening to the Two Whole Cakes Fatcast on radicalism and Marie Claire from Marianne and Lesley, and they were talking about the sense of community within Fat Acceptance, and how there is no rivalry amongst the fatosphere – or at least none that they feel.  This is one of the things that I love about fat acceptance, the way that we see every success had by one of our peers and/or allies as a win for all of us.  When one of us breaks through somewhere, is published, has a successful event, gets some good visibility happening, and so on, it benefits all of us, even those who are not activists but are just fat and want to opt out of the mainstream of diet, body loathing and shame.

I was also reading this post from Lisa of Lisa’s Life Lessons on how she has received a lot of vitriol for speaking out against weight loss surgery, and how merely telling her story, and sharing the stories of others who have suffered like she has, has drawn quite a lot of hatred in her direction.  She has found haven in the Fat Acceptance community as well as encouragement and support.  The comments on her post are further evidence of this.

It only takes an event where Fat Acceptance activists and allies get together to highlight how strong the community we have is.  Marianne blogged about the Re/Dress NYC indie trunk show event and expressed how supported, encouraged and welcomed she felt in that space.  I have talked about it myself after attending the Australian Fat Studies conference in Sydney.  There is nothing like being in that space with people who you don’t have to explain or justify your choice to opt out of body loathing and shame.

The power of community is often underestimated.  Particularly by those who wish to silence and further marginalise people.    Our strength is in being able to support each other to go back to what we do time and time again.

I am so thankful that I came into this community thanks to Fat Acceptance activism.  It’s what keeps me going and makes it worthwhile when the haters turn up.  Thank you for being part of my community.

You’re on Fat Base

I’ve been thinking a little about what this space means to me.  By this space, I mean this blog and the space for you, dear readers to comment.  I was wondering if I came down hard on a commenter on this post a couple of days ago, and so I’ve taken some time out to think about it, and decide what is important to me.

The conclusion I came to, is that the most important thing to me for this blog is that it is a safe space.  A safe space for me, and a safe space for you.  I want this to be a space that you and I can come to and never, ever hear that fat is bad.  It’s not denial or delusion – the rest of the world tells us that fat is bad, so there needs to be a space where we can just take a rest from hearing that over and over and over.

Besides, I believe wholeheartedly that fat is not bad.  Ever.  It is just fat, a substance, free from any moral value.  Fat is present in every animal (after all, our brains are high in fat) and some have more and others have less.  Fat is not the worst thing that can happen to you, it’s not killing you, it’s not the cause of all your problems.  It is simply a type of cell.

When someone comes along and says, amongst fat people that fat is a Bad Thing (commenters own capitalisation), even if they’re only saying that fat is bad for themselves (which is never how it is, it’s the implication that fat is bad for some people, but not others, that comes through) then it encourages more to come along and say that fat is bad in this safe space.

When someone is vulnerable, and they hear “fat is a Bad Thing” (even if not aimed at them) in a safe space, they start to question themselves.  It’s human nature.  “If her fat is a Bad Thing, then my fat might be a Bad Thing.”  Then it leads to more self loathing, shame, fear and the whole fat acceptance message is cancelled out.  Particularly when the person saying that her fat is a Bad Thing has announced her weight and weighs far, far less than many of the others reading those comments, and has made comments about how other people hit on her.  This negates the message in anyone who weighs more than she does, as well as those who don’t have people hit on them.  It creates a hierarchy of fatness that is ok and not ok.  That’s not acceptable in this space, even if it is unintentional.

Now I know that not all of us are on the same rung of the fat acceptance ladder.  Some, such as myself, are climbing fairly steadily upwards (with the occasional stop for a breather, sometimes even dropping a few rungs!)  Some have stopped on one of the rungs and are contemplating climbing back down again.  Others are still standing at the bottom, looking at the ladder and are not sure that they want to start climbing.  I understand that and I don’t expect everyone to be level with me on this ladder.

However, there are some steps that I have taken that I have made a very conscious, informed decision that I need to have for my sanity, and to me, are the right thing to do when it comes to fat acceptance.  One of those is firmly stating that this is a safe space for fat, and not accepting any criticism of fat in this space.  Even it is criticism of someone’s own fat.

Another is to be a very firm, clear voice in this space about what is acceptable and what is not.  Sometimes that means I have to repeat myself and take an abrupt tone, but it’s an area where I feel I need to show others reading that may not have commented, but might be thinking the same things, that this is a not negotiable area and that they are safe from negativity about fat in this space.

If someone wishes to debate this topic, there are many, many, MANY other spaces they can do so.  In fact, the whole world is available for people to talk about whether or not fat is bad or can be a Bad Thing for anyone.

But this tiny little pocket of the interwebz is not that space. Remember tag/tiggy/chasey where you couldn’t tag someone who was at home or base?  This is the internet version of home/base for fat.   Nobody can tag it here.

In this space, fat is not a Bad Thing.  It is just a Thing.