Xenical

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WTF?! Xenical Mindfuck

Published July 27, 2010 by Fat Heffalump

A few days ago, the Awesome Frances from Corpulent shared this video on Twitter:

Have you picked your jaw up off the ground yet?  I watched it several days ago and I’m still completely perplexed by it.

Okay, okay… she wants to be a nun/nurse who holds a bleeding man in her arms but has to be thin to do that?  And be in front of a firing squad with a pencilled on moustache… but can’t unless she’s thin?  And to be a lamb in a den of wolves… but as a fat woman she can’t?

And why has the fat woman got bad teeth?

W?

T?

F?

In case you’ve never heard of it, Xenical is a drug that prevents your body from absorbing fat.  It has side effects like:

  • Oily spotting (uncontrolled anal oil seepage) — in up to 26.6 percent of people
  • Abdominal pain (stomach pain) or discomfort — up to 25.5 percent
  • Gas with a small amount of oil or stool — up to 23.9 percent
  • Fecal urgency (an urgent but controlled need to have a bowel movement) — up to 22.1 percent
  • Fatty or oily stool — up to 20 percent
  • Oily evacuation (bowel movements of just oil, without stool) — up to 11.9 percent
  • Increased frequency of bowel movements — up to 10.8 percent
  • Nausea — up to 8.1 percent
  • Uncontrolled, spontaneous bowel movements (known as fecal incontinence) — up to 7.7 percent.

Now I don’t know about you, but there is NO amount of weight loss that would be worth my suffering anal oil seepage.  Let alone any of the other possible side effects.  I did a Google search on Xenical and came across this page of patient reviews of the drug, and it simply terrifies me.  Orange, foul smelling shit?  One poster actually says “Don’t wear white!”  Take some time to read a few, your jaw will drop even further than it has from watching the above advert.

I really have no words for the medical/pharmacy industry expecting people to actually subject themselves to these side effects in the name of weight loss.  In several of the cases listed in the patient reviews, not only did they suffer terrible bloating, but there are others who have been diagnosed with blood clots, liver damage and colitis… but they didn’t lose a pound.

But back to that advertisement.  What on earth is it supposed to be selling us?  That you can live some kind of exotic avant garde life if only you get thin?

Here’s the thing, take the weird shit out of it.  What does it mention?

Walking naked in the winter snow (though you’re unlikely to see summer snow).  You can do that while you’re fat.

Know real love, and real fear.  You can do that while you’re fat.

In the summer time, to play like a child.  You can do that while you’re fat.

To make love to strangers.  You can do that while you’re fat.

And guess what?  You can even tie your own shoes while you’re fat.  I do it every morning and I’m fatter than the woman in the end of the advert.

Even the slogan at the end “Lose weight.  Gain life.” is a crock – what, you’re dead when you’re a fat person?  Guess what?  If you’re fat, and you’re not dead… you already have a life, you don’t need to gain another one.  Unless perhaps you’re playing Mario Kart or something.

I get the distinct feeling that the makers of adverts like these think that fat people are stupid, that we’ll just buy that horrible product because of some weird arse advert that “inspires us to feel”… well what?

I know what I feel.  I feel like I want to go scrub my brain from the sight of that advert and be glad that I don’t have orange, foul smelling, oily anal seepage.

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