The Rules

  1. It’s my blog.  I make the rules. I can also change them if I want to (or need to)
  2. If you don’t like it, leave.  No negotiation of the rules will be entered into.
  3. I can say and do whatever I like on my blog.
  4. Commenting is closed on all but a few posts.
  5. Commenters must adhere to the rules or they will be removed.
  6. Trolls will be removed immediately.
  7. Name calling, abuse, offensive behaviour and insults are troll behaviours.
  8. Keep it positive.  This is a positive place.  Any negativity towards others will be removed, and negativity towards yourself will be discouraged.
  9. Deliberate weight loss and diet talk is not allowed.  On ANY of my blogs.
  10. Advertising is not welcome unless previously sanctioned by me.
  11. In some cases, I will give you a warning.  There will be only one warning.  If you persist, I will remove you, no negotiations.
  12. Be kind.  To me, to your fellow commenters and to yourself.  If you’re always kind and thoughtful, you won’t get into any trouble.
  13. My blogs are all fat positive spaces.  Any commenting that goes against fat positivity will be removed and the commenters blocked.
  14. We do not engage in discrimination or bigotry in this place.
  15. Check your privilege.  If you don’t know what privilege is, you can read about it here.
  16. Most importantly – anyone who trolls this blog with hateful messages and bullying of fat people will have those comments, along with their IP addresses, email addresses and any other details published in a public page.
  17. Anything else I decide as a rule goes here.

26 comments on “The Rules

  • Thanks for rule 14, while all the discourse rules unnerve me, it’s good to know that often it’s best to stay quiet and read when there’re heated conversations going on. All the best!
    -K

  • BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAME HERE FROM REDDIT BECAUSE I’M SO PATHETIC, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE AND SPEND MY TIME TROLLING PEOPLE ONLINE BECAUSE NOBODY WILL TALK TO ME IN PERSON. I WILL THREATEN YOU WITH CHILDISH THREATS LIKE I’M STILL IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE THE INTELLECT TO MAKE COHERENT COMMENTS. I CLAIM NOT TO CARE ABOUT YOU KATH BUT I’M SO OBSESSED WITH YOU THAT I SPEND AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR MAKING SOME KIND OF UNEDUCATED RANT ONLINE CALLING YOU NAMES THAT YOU’VE HEARD A MILLION TIMES, AND I CAN’T SPELL EITHER, I THINK THE FOLLOWING WORDS ARE REAL:

    WATSE
    MEERLY
    HORDE
    BEUTIFUL

    I SPEND ALL MY SPARE TIME THINKING ABOUT YOU KATH BECAUSE I HATE THAT YOU ARE HAPPY AND LIVING YOUR LIFE TO THE FULL WHILE I SIT IN MY MOTHER’S BASEMENT WISHING I HAD FRIENDS TO TALK TO AND A LIFE TO LIVE.

    SO I’M GOING TO MAKE A BUNCH OF THREATS TO TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL AS BAD AS I DO, BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO FIX MY PATHETIC LIFE AND MAKE IT BETTER.

    • Good try you sad little creature. Go to Google, type in “Psychologists in [insert your town here].” Call one of them and book yourself in for some decent therapy. Happy, healthy, well adjusted people don’t spend their time threatening complete strangers on the internet.

      Now go fap over pictures of fat girls (I know that’s why you really hate us) and stop wasting everyone’s time.

  • Hello, I wasn’t sure where else to post this, so I’ll post it here:

    First off, I am very impressed by your blog, and wanted to take a moment to counteract some of the negative feedback I’m sure you are getting. This is awesome. I hope you are very proud of the work you have done and the person you are.❤

    Second, I am trying to expand my mind and sometimes I have a hard time knowing the line between helpful/kind/supportive and patronizing/offensive. I'm not a fat person, I have never been a fat person. I'm aware that I have "skinny privilege." What I would like to know is, how can I help? I am a firm supporter of body positive campaigns, and believe that everyone has the right to be happy in their body, no matter what shape or size. However, I realize that it's all too easy for me to accidentally say something offensive or privileged, despite my good intentions. I know the basics: telling someone to lose weight "for their own good/health" is stupid, giving backhanded compliments like "you have such a pretty face" are stupid. But I guess I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is helpful or is making the problem worse.

    I'm an artist. Most of my practice is focused around food being the center of social gatherings. But I'm also very interested in fashion and fashion photography-and I'm sure you're well-aware that the fashion world is almost completely dominated by skinny caucasian women. I'd love to see more variety, and am trying to incorporate more into my work but do so in a way that is inclusive and welcoming rather than fetishizing, if that makes sense. Here's a question, though: would designing a small fashion line for plus-sized ladies only be offensive or nice? I'm on the fence on this one, and would love feedback. On one hand I feel like it would be awesome to make some beautiful handmade garments for a group of people who often have much less choice when it comes to fashion, but on the other I feel like it's kind of…insensitive…for me to design plus-sized clothing, as a skinny girl myself. What are your thoughts, and do you have any suggestions for the skinny people out there who want to support your cause and aren't sure of the best way to go about it?

    • Hi Betsy, thank you for your comment and thank you for ASKING what you can do to be better support to fat people. I think that’s the first step to actually being supportive… asking the people in question themselves. A few other things you can do as a thin person are:

      1. Listen. That means not speaking or commenting, but taking the time to just read or listen and absorb what is being said.

      2. Speak up when you hear fat shaming or fat stigma. A simple “Hey, that’s not ok.” is a damn good start. Be mindful not to speak FOR fat people, but speak in support of them. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me to not be the only person in the room speaking up – or to have someone else speak up when I didn’t have the sanity points or self esteem to do so myself.

      3. Acknowledge that sometimes you won’t understand, or you may get it wrong. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, it’s how you handle those mistakes that is important.

      4. Acknowledge your privilege. Understand that the way the world treats you is not the same way that the world treats fat people.

      5. Don’t look for reward. Being an ally isn’t about winning brownie points, it’s about being a decent human being. That is your reward.

      If you can start off with those things, you’ll be well on the road to being a supportive ally.

      Now, with your direct question about whether or not it would be OK to produce a range of plus-size clothing my answer would be HELL YES!! Doesn’t matter who is producing it, we NEED it. A few tips to remember:

      1. Larger fats (Size 20 and above) are extremely under-served for plus-size clothing, and we’ve had enough of designers who call themselves “innovative” and “serving the plus-size community” who cut us out of their sizing. Here’s the thing – there are a lot more options for someone size 14 – 18… be unique and focus on the big fatties first.

      2. Be fashionable. We can find frumpy shit that would suit people twice our age anywhere. Find out what the current trends are, and make stuff that meets that.

      3. ASK what we want. Do a survey. You may not make everyone happy but you’ll get an idea of what is missing in the market.

      4. Use actual plus-size bodies in your marketing. Not a size 16, go out and get yourself some beautiful fatties to model your stuff.

      5. Use positive marketing. Don’t sell us “flattering” and body shame – sell us fashion, glamour, sex-appeal, fun and style.

      6. Make it affordable. We have to spend twice as much as straight sizes on everything from underwear to outerwear, so our budget is smaller.

      I hope this helps Betsy, and I am always available if you have further questions. In fact, if you can pull it off, I’d love to work with you on promotion/marketing.

      Best of luck!

  • [I’M SUCH A LOSER THAT I SPEND MY TIME MAKING FAKE PROFILES UP TO LEAVE HATE MESSAGES ON PEOPLE’S BLOGS. I’M SO TURNED ON BY FAT PEOPLE THAT I SPEND ALL MY TIME WANKING OVER THEM, BUT I’M ASHAMED OF MYSELF SO INSTEAD I PRETEND I HATE THEM AND WANT TO SHAME THEM BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE THE BRAINS TO REALISE WHAT A PATHETIC LITTLE LOSER I AM]

    Yes, another dude who can’t stop himself getting a hard on over fat women, who is too tiny minded to face up to his sexual fantasies, so he leaves a complete stranger hate messages. I have no intention of having sex with you loser, so stop trying to get my attention so desperately.

  • Hey, hon! Just wanted to say I recently came across your blog through “Health At Every Size” and wanted to say it is awesome! I’m really glad to see you are a fellow geek, loving Loki and sci-fi/fantasy as i do! I am looking forward to reading more here, so thanks for all your hard work and effort.

  • I think your blog is excellent and you as a person I think your wonderful. Personally when I look at myself in the mirror I feel sick I hate being fatter than I have been before and I feel depressed which Leeds to over eating. [Weight loss talk redacted]

    • Kathleen thank you and welcome to Fat Heffalump. Please consider this your first and final warning however, there is to be NO weight loss/diet talk here ever. You have commented on the Rules page, please read rule No.8.

      This is a safe space free from weight loss and diet talk of any kind. Please keep that kind of talk to your own spaces online.

  • Saw your story in the paper – you are fucking awesome! Maybe I’m a moron, but I can’t find the link to your tumblr (it’s easier to follow people on tumblr or live journal than wordpress). Could I get a link?

    Oh, and since you have the wonderful taste of being a Tom Hiddlestoner, here’s a present – the audio books of his readings of the James Bond novels. No longer available as the company that made them went out of bizniz. (Just in case you haven’t heard them yet).

    [redacted]

  • That’s totally the wrong link! Ignore it. If you want the books I’ll hunt down the link😀 (Told you I’m a moron! Not enough coffee).

  • I’m so happy I found this blog! I read it in a magazine and loved your attitude. I’m big (and beautiful) and to find somewhere like this to take refuge after a day when even my loving family feel the need to comment on my weight is bliss. You are truly amazing and thank you for ignoring the haters and sticking with your blog🙂

  • Im so happy to have found out about you and want to thank you for having the courage and the love to defend us and to give us power to feel good about ourselves despite the haters. I have a battle not only against the world but against my own mother. I moved to another state to be able to find some self love and respect but she still manages to hurt me with her hateful words. She told me im a fat lump and just as well i wasnt married to Gerard Baden Clay as he would of killed me sooner. So Kath you are a balm to my hurt heart and a healing to my soul.
    Thankyou

  • Kath, I love your blog. We are the same age, and I can relate to much of what you talk about with self discovery and embracing your self as loveable. Keep on being awesome! Sue

  • i found this site very scary because it promotes that being fat is ok while being skinny is not. educate yourself on your health my best guess is that if someone is obese they have 5-20 years left to live and the reason i say that is because of all the fat that gets stored up over time.

    • Really? Firstly, you clearly have poor reading comprehension skills if you think that’s what this blog promotes. Read it again. And again. Until you understand it.

      Secondly I’ve been fat for 30 years, so how do you explain that, Einstein? I have relatives who have been fat for over 80 years. Just because it’s your opinion, doesn’t make it either true or smart.

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